


The Villainous Romance of the Fannihilator and the Conjurer!

by bluemandycat



Category: Fanboy & Chum Chum (Cartoon)
Genre: (Fanboy's a Pothead), Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Ants, Autistic Fanboy, Descriptions of murder, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, F/F, Friends to Enemies to Friends, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Non-Graphic Violence, Recreational Drug Use, Suicide Attempt, They're Like 22 In This, Wedding Fluff, intimacy issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23978581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemandycat/pseuds/bluemandycat
Summary: AU based off of "Fanboyfriend" and the Super Chums episodes. When Chum Chum is hit by cosmic rays at the nuclear power plant, he becomes Super Chum! After gaining his superpowers, he moves out of the water tower to join Oz's Super School for the Seriously Special. Fanboy is left behind in the water tower to fester into the Fannihilator.Ten years later, the Fannihilator has become the most feared villain in Galaxy Hills– as well as the most lonely. When Kyle moves back from England and decides to be a supervillain as well, the Fannihilator must consider whether he's ready to let someone into his life again.
Relationships: Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason/Fanboy, Lenny Flynn-Boyle/Boog Shlizetti, Lupe/Yo
Comments: 55
Kudos: 147





	1. The Secret Origin of the Fearsome Fannihilator!

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I love the characters and I love supervillains. This was bound to happen. Hope you enjoy!

The Fannihilator didn’t become a supervillain out of any real malice. Mostly, it was because he was bored.

He supposed stuff changed when he was twelve and his best friend, Super Chum, was hit by cosmic rays. Super Chum suddenly had flight, invisibility, and laser eyes. Add that to the super-strength he got from the Frostonium, and suddenly he was a formidable real-life superhero– everything the not-yet-Fannihilator had ever wanted to be.

So when Super Chum moved out to attend Professor Oz’s Super School for the Seriously Special, the not-yet-Fannihilator suddenly had a lot of time on his hands. At first, he mostly used that time to sit around and think about how much he missed his buddy. And then, something miraculous happened: his fridge broke.

He hadn’t wanted to call a repairman, because that could have led to Child Protective Services sniffing around, demanding to speak to his legal guardian. So instead, he rolled up his sleeves and started tinkering around. By the end of his repairs, the fridge could automatically rearrange things on its shelves for maximum storage space, and he had realized his talent for building things.

Suddenly, all he wanted to do was work on machines. It was like he had discovered some part of himself that was missing. While Super Chum was palling around with Ant-Lupe, Sonic Boom, School Spirit, and Captain Obvious, the not-yet-Fannihilator was installing blast shields and turrets to defend his water tower home. He started skipping school around that time, too– he’d always received failing grades, after all, so why not play to his strengths?

After a few months of upgrading his home, the not-yet-Fannihilator decided that he didn’t need Super Chum. Obviously, his friend wasn’t coming back– he had founded the Super Chums and was now too busy saving the world to talk. However, the not-yet-Fannihilator had to admit that he was becoming quite lonely, sealed away in his house. So he decided to make a friend.

Writing the program for a hilarious, companionable, helpful robot only took about three weeks. Dumpster-diving and ordering parts off the internet yielded most of what he needed for the inner workings, but he still needed a chassis. And so he decided to steal Boog’s Chimp Chomp machine.

It made sense. Boog was a bully, and an arcade machine would be the perfect size to build out from. Stealing it wasn’t even particularly hard. All he did was break into the Frosty Mart’s fusebox, implant a device that cut off power to the store, and then stroll inside while Lenny was freaking out over the frozen foods and the lights. A blast of a shrink ray, and then he was back to his base, ready to start construction on Dollar-nator. 

That first crime was as world-shaking as repairing the fridge. Suddenly, he realized how much impact his machines could have. He imagined Boog getting his just desserts for bopping him, and it made him happier than he had been in months. His machines were useful, and he was finally good at something! Super Chum wouldn’t approve of his actions, of course, but let him disapprove. At least his ex-best friend was thinking about him. He decided, right then and there, that he would be a supervillain– the Fannihilator!


	2. The Clamorous Convergence of the Conjurer and Fannihilator!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dollar-nator cares too much. Fanboy meets a familiar stranger while smoking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: Fannihilator smonk a weed, exposition is delivered, and I accidentally out myself as a stoner due to my knowledge of how to smoke.

Ten years later, the twenty-two year old Fannihilator wiped his brow and took off his headphones. His still-unnamed device to infect the Super Chums’ Chum-puter with a show-stopping virus was going along well. He would have worked on it all night long, but Dollar-nator was incessant.

“I made you dinner, Fannihilator,” the talking arcade machine had been saying for the last half hour. He was designed to do henchman work and to make sure that the Fannihilator stayed healthy, whatever it took.

“I’m aware,” Fannihilator said crossly. “You’ve said it about twenty-three times.”

“I thought you had your headphones on!” Dollar-nator frowned at him. “You mean you’ve been ignoring me?”

“Just wasn’t hungry,” Fannihilator said, leaning over to pack his tools back into the toolbox. 

“You’ve been skipping meals,” said the robot.“That’s a sign of disordered eating, you know.” 

“It’s not disordered– look,” Fannihilator sighed. “If you want me to eat more, just make stuff I can eat while working.”

“Setting aside time for at least one regular meal at the dinner table makes a huge difference in the cohesiveness of a household.”

Fannihilator locked his toolbox and stood up. “Jesus, you’ve been reading parenting books again, haven’t you?”

“No,” Dollar-nator said, unconvincingly. 

“Whatever.” Fannihilator dusted his pants off. “I’ll eat your stupid dinner, and then I’ll go out for the night and get some fresh air. Happy?”

“It’s  _ not  _ a stupid dinner,” Dollar-nator muttered, but he did sound a bit happier.

––––––––

After begrudgingly enjoying a dinner of popcorn shrimp and spinach salad, Fannihilator grabbed a couple of joints and a water bottle, changed out of his hoodie and jeans into his power armor, strapped on his rocket boots, and flew over to the nuclear power plant.

The hill with the tree next to the nuclear power plant was his preferred smoking spot, for three reasons. One, because the townsfolk and the police left it alone, not wanting to get too close to the radiation. Two, because it suited his aesthetic to sit on a tiny patch of nature, surrounded by the industrial, and look at the stars. Three, because this was where Super Chum had become a real superhero. (Ant-Lupe had also become a real superhero here, but this wasn’t as important in his eyes).

He touched down at the base of the tree. Even though this spot was locally recognized as his, he had written  _ FANNIHILATOR’S TREE  _ on it, in weatherproof tree ink (of his own design). Below that was written  _ COPS AND SUPER CHUM STAY AWAY.  _ And if that didn’t get the message across, the 50,000-volt stun gun hidden in the branches would activate. The only way to enter unharmed was to come in aerially, like Fannihilator always did. He didn’t consider this overkill; he was a person who  _ deeply  _ valued his privacy.

He pulled out his miniature heat ray and lit the end of one of his joints. He inhaled, held his breath, exhaled, coughed. The smoke was harsher than it usually was. Served him right for buying cheap weed.

He took a sip from his water bottle, and continued to smoke. After a while, the exhaled smoke started to look pretty against the starry background. He thought about taking some photos and posting them to Instagram, but that would require downloading the app and making an account. And then what? He’d never have more followers than Super Chum, and posting about his life would just put a target on his back. Social media was stupid, anyway.

A loud  _ CRASH _ above him snapped him out of his grumpy, social media-hating thoughts. Looking up, he saw the silhouette of a man hovering in the air. This wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary, if not for the fact that the man was balanced on a broom. A broom that was lodged in the branches of his tree.

Fannihilator watched the man struggle for a few minutes. When he got tired of this, he punched the tree trunk, causing the branches to shake and dislodge the stranger’s broom. Rather than taking off, however, the freed man drifted down through the leaves to touch the ground of Fannihilator’s very own hill.

Fannihilator turned around. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Luckily for the stranger, he was too stoned to fire on sight.

“I know it’s private property,” the stranger said, in a British accent that sounded oddly familiar.

“Are you new around here or something?” Any citizen of Galaxy Hills with half a brain in their head knew not to get in his way.

“Sort of,” the stranger said. He stepped forward and sat down next to the Fannihilator, which was incredibly rude and invasive. He had red hair, freckles, and was wearing a high-collared black leather cape that was lined with red wool. Fannihilator had the oddest deja vu, even though he was sure that he would remember meeting a redheaded Dracula. “I used to live here, but I haven’t been back in ten or so years.”

“Lots has changed here.” He took a hit of his joint, and then held it out to the stranger just to see the look on his face. The other man cringed, but took the joint all the same. He inhaled, and then exhaled right away, without letting the smoke sit in his lungs.

“You’ve gotta take a second breath while the smoke is in your mouth,” Fannihilator told him. The man tried again, taking one inhale of pot, and then another of fresh air. After a couple of seconds, he coughed out the smoke, wheezing. Fannihilator laughed and handed him his water bottle.

“Do I know you?” the stranger wheezed, after a couple sips of water.

“Probably not,” Fannihilator replied. “You’re from out of town and I’m a shut-in.”

The other man frowned. “But when I lived here– did you go to Galaxy Hills Middle ten years ago?”

Instead of answering, Fannihilator smoked the last of the joint, and then put it out on the dirt. He exhaled and watched the smoke disperse. “Yeah,” he said finally.

“Maybe I was in your class. My name is Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason.”

Fannihilator hadn’t thought about Kyle in years. They had been classmates, back when he actually went to school, and had hung out with him and Super Chum occasionally. Kyle had always loved pretending to be a wizard, right? Fannihilator had lost touch with him once he began his crusade of supervillainy. But, not wanting to show weakness, he simply said, “I remember you.” 

“What’s your name?”

“The Fannihilator.” 

Kyle’s brow wrinkled. “I don’t remember anyone by that name. It’s not real, is it?”

“Nope. You wouldn’t recognize my real name if I said it to you.” Fannihilator sighed, and threw Kyle a bone. “I was the one that hung around Super Chum all the time.”

“Super Chum– you mean Chum Chum?” Kyle’s eyes widened. “ _ Fanboy?” _

He cringed at his former name. “Like I said, it’s the Fannihilator now.”

“Fannihilator– wow. You’ve been off the grid for years. I tried looking you up on social media–”

“Don’t really care for that sort of thing,” Fannihilator interrupted. “Besides, you’ve been absent too. What happened?”

“Well, once Chum Chum transferred to that super school, you started skipping a lot. I hadn’t realized before then, but I was really only going to public school to hang out with you two.”

“You never showed it,” Fannihilator said.

Kyle shrugged. “After you two left, everything got a lot quieter, and there was nothing really keeping me here anymore. So I bullied Sigmund into writing me a letter of recommendation and transferred back to Milkweed. I’m now one of the top practicing necromancers in England.”

Fannihilator pulled out his other joint and stuck it in his mouth. “A necromancer– you mean you weren’t pretending when you said you were a wizard?”

Kyle touched the end of the joint with one finger, and when he pulled away, it was lit with a strange blue flame. “You tell me.”

“That’s really cool,” Fannihilator admitted.

“So what have you been up to?” asked Kyle.

“Super Chum moved out when I was about twelve. I got really into building stuff, and now I’m his supervillain arch-nemesis.”

“But you guys were such good friends!”

“We drifted apart.” Fannihilator exhaled. “He got into superheroing, so I started being a supervillain just so he’d pay attention to me. And then it turned out that I was really good at it, so I just kept at it. I got my GED, and then a bachelor’s in mechanical engineering from USC. I’m working on my PhD dissertation remotely.”

“You’re going to be  _ Dr.  _ Fannihilator?”

“Soon, yeah. Whenever my dissertation is done. Although I doubt the "doctor" part is going in my supervillain name.”

“Mechanical engineering, huh? Did you make that armor yourself?”

“Yes, of course.” His green-and-purple power armor was state of the art, custom-made out of hard plastic and steel. Highly defensive, like most of his inventions, with the added benefit of looking cool. He grew uncomfortable. As a supervillain, he shouldn’t be revealing this much to anyone. He passed the joint to Kyle. “So why are you back?”

“Oh, I suppose I don’t know,” Kyle said airily, after taking a hit. He was getting better at it. “Take in the local superhero scene. Report back to the wizards in England. That sort of thing. Not sure how long I’ll be here.”

“Well, if you ever want a supervillain’s perspective, I’m… open to smoke with you.” Fannihilator cringed. That sounded so seedy and lame!   
  


Kyle, to his credit, smiled. “I think I’ll take you up on that. You said you’re not on social media, so might I get your phone number?”

Fannihilator pulled his phone out of his pocket, and scrolled to his contacts list. He only had four contacts, one of which was the local pizza place. Kyle would be lucky number five, then. “Here.”

Kyle took the phone and typed into it. He pulled out his own phone, and Fannihilator heard a little  _ ding!  _ as a text message came in. “There,” said Kyle, handing him his phone back. “Now we both have each other’s numbers.”

“Thanks,” said Fannihilator. This almost felt like making a friend, except supervillains didn’t have friends.

“I’ll text you, okay?” Kyle said hopefully.

“Sure, or you can just come over.” Fanboy extinguished what was left of the joint and stuck it in his pocket.

“You still live in the water tower?”

“Yup.” Fannihilator plucked a hair from Kyle’s bangs and stood up. “I’ll add your DNA to the biometric security system so you won’t be automatically shot.”

Kyle stood up too, with a smile on his face. “You’ve changed a lot, you know.”

Fannihilator shrugged. “So has everyone else. Ten years is a long time.”

“It was nice seeing you.”

“Yeah,” Fannihilator said. There was an uncomfortable silence, so he added, “Bye,” and then rocketed straight up into the air.

As he flew home, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexa, play "Lasers and Feelings" by the Doubleclicks.
> 
> Leave a kudo, a comment, or hit me up on tumblr at bluemandycat. All art made of this fic will be lovingly cherished and linked in the intro of this fic.


	3. The Ferocious Fraternization of the Fannihilator and the Conjurer!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle comes over for breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No supervillain action this time– bear with me and keep reading! Hope you enjoy!

Fannihilator was woken up the next day at 2 PM, when Dollar-nator decided that enough was enough and literally pushed him out of bed. “Good morning, Dollar-nator,” he said weakly, picking his face up off the hardwood floor. 

“You added a new DNA profile to the security system. Tell me who it is.”

“Geez, someone got up on the wrong side of the charging port this morning.” Fannihilator rolled into his feet and stood up. “Got any coffee?”

“That wasn’t an answer.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll make it myself.” He grabbed a ratty purple hoodie off the floor (He couldn’t deny that his house was messy, but at least he knew where everything was) and padded down the stairs, through the living room, and into the kitchen.

Dollar-nator had very thoughtfully made him an omelette at 10 AM (his desired wake-up time) but now it was 2 and it was cold as ice. Fannihilator shoved it into the microwave and busied himself with the coffee pot. 

Dollar-nator came in behind him. “Don’t dodge the question. It’s a matter of security, not to mention pretty fucking rude.”

“You have a mouth like a sailor,” said Fannihilator. 

“Still technically dodging the question.”

“Fine.” Fannihilator sat down on a kitchen stool. “Did I ever tell you about Kyle?”

“Nope. Before my time.”

“We used to be friends, when I still went to school. He moved back to England to do wizard shit when I dropped out, and now he’s back in town. That’s it.” Dollar-nator raised a metal eyebrow. “That’s  _ seriously  _ it.”

“You gave a stranger clearance to our top-secret base, just because you  _ missed _ him? I thought you were supposed to be smart.” 

The microwave beeped, and Fannihilator took his plate out. He poured his coffee into an oversized mug that read  _ I DECORATE WITH CATS.  _ “I didn’t miss him. I didn’t even remember him until yesterday. But he’s a top necromancer, and he wants to learn about American superheroes. Can’t have heroes without villains.”

Dollar-nator huffed and left the room. Fannihilator followed after him. “Don’t storm out, that’s very bad manners.”

“ _ But he’s gonna steal all our secrets,”  _ Dollar-nator whined. 

“He’s just coming over once or twice.” Fannihilator took a sip of his coffee, and grimaced. Needed some milk and sugar. “Besides, he’s a necromancer. How good could he be?”

————

At around four o’clock, security alerts blaringly caused Fannihilator to spill half his coffee on the ground. If that wasn’t enough of an indication that someone was approaching the front door, he heard a loud rapping sound on his titanium-reinforced door.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Fannihilator muttered to the alarms, and buzzed Kyle in. The door made a loud  _ screech  _ as it was pushed open.

“Well, this is… interesting,” said Kyle disdainfully, looking around. Fannihilator supposed it was a bit messy. He had his broadcast jacker’s parts all spread out on the floor, right next to an electronic cuckoo clock he was cannibalizing for parts. The floor could use a good vacuuming, too, and the giant robotic serpent hanging in a net close to the ceiling would freak anyone else.

“Sorry,” said Fannihilator. “Didn’t know when you were coming over, otherwise I would have cleaned up.” He tapped his chin with his gloved finger. “Although, even if I knew, I probably wouldn’t have cleaned up.”

“Aren’t you some technical genius?” Kyle complained.

“Yeah, so?”

“Invent a cleaning robot!”

“It’s on the list,” said Fannihilator. “Want some coffee or tea?”

“It should be moved to the top of your list.” Fannihilator frowned, and Kyle put up his hands in defense. “Just teasing! Tea, please.”

Fannihilator turned on the kettle, and dug through the spice cabinet until he found what he was looking for: a single black teabag, tucked between the pasta. “There’s a method to my madness, you know.”

“Clearly,” said Kyle. “I did some googling last night. You’re more prolific than I thought you were.”

Fannihilator tucked the teabag into a mug. “Ooh, what’d they say? I’d love to hear what the magazines have made up about me now.”

“Well, it says you don’t kill, even though you’ve caused millions of dollars of collateral damage. Is that right?”

Fannihilator put his hand on his heart. “Kyle, I’m touched that you think so little of me. No, I don’t kill.”

Kyle hesitated before saying, “Is that… common for supervillains?”

“Beats me, I only know one other, and she doesn’t really do the “collateral damage” approach. More psychological, you know?” Kyle shook his head. “Don’t you know anything about supervillains?” Fannihilator asked. “They have them in England too, right?”

Kyle shook his head. “No, we don’t. We have wizards.” When Fannihilator gave him a blank stare, he muttered, “I can’t believe you don’t know about this. Luckily, at Milkweed I had the pleasure of taking a course about the politics of magic.”

“You’re losing me.”

“In England, we call whatever we do to physically change reality ‘magic.’ In America, you call it ‘superpowers.’ Every American thinks that Brits are superheroes that channel their superpowers through their wands, and every Brit thinks that Americans are wizards who can do wandless magic. In truth, nobody quite knows what causes us to be able to change reality, but that doesn’t stop us from arguing about it.” The kettle began to whistle, and so Fannihilator took it off the heat.

“Very cool,” he said, pouring the tea. “Except I don’t have superpowers. So where do I fit in, hm?”

Kyle’s brow wrinkled. “That may actually be a good topic for a paper. ‘On the Topic of Supervillains: How They Fit Into the Reality-Warping Debate.”

Fannihilator leaned back. “Don’t forget to give me credit,” he teased.

“Of course,  _ Doctor, _ ” Kyle teased back. Fannihilator actually laughed at that. Kyle was… fun. Not that they were friends, of course.

A different set of alarms blared, and Dollar-nator burst into the room. “Fannihilator! Ant-Lupe is–”

“Oh, shit,” Fannihilator said. “Just text me the details.” He put his coffee down, and turned to Kyle. “Sorry, I gotta take a rain check on the tea. Villain work, you know?” He pulled off his hoodie and shirt and cast them to the ground.

“Woah!” Kyle said suddenly, shielding his eyes. Fannihilator would feel embarrassed at the thought of a maybe-friend seeing his chest, but he had exactly 3 minutes to put on his power armor and be flying out the door. 

“Nothing serious,” he reassured Kyle, working himself into his armor legs-first. “Ant-Lupe usually trashes my machines if she finds them, so I have to be there quickly. I’ll be back in like… a half hour.” He gestured toward Dollar-nator. “Have you met Dollar-nator?”

“ _ Intruder, _ ” Dollar-nator hissed.

“I want to come, too,” said Kyle.

Fannihilator paused. “No. Too dangerous.”

“Why? I’m just like you, only from across the pond.” Kyle gestured with his wand to prove it. Fannihilator couldn’t think of another excuse, so he merely turned away. “I’m taking that as a yes, then.”

“Fine. Wrap yourself up in your cape, since you don’t have a costume.”

“Do I need a mask?”

“Hold on.” Fannihilator walked over to his closet and rifled around near the bottom. When he found what he was looking for, he tossed it at Kyle. “Domino masks. A bit cheesy, but at least they look cool.”

Kyle stuck the mask on his face, and arranged his cape around him. “Okay?”

Fannihilator put his helmet on. “Sure. We’re running late as it is.” A thought occurred, and he grabbed Kyle’s shoulder. “Stay on the sidelines, okay? I don’t want you to be my first casualty.” Kyle nodded.

Fannihilator kicked his rocket boots on, and Kyle tapped himself with his wand. They flew out of the door, up into the clouds, leaving poor Dollar-nator to clean up their mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! If you like fiction about 12 year old supervillains, might I suggest my favorite book in the world, Archvillain? It's about a boy who, through a series of events, finds himself a real-life supervillain, powers and all (mostly tech-based, like the Fannihilator in this fic). It's a huge inspiration for this fic, as well as my writing in general, but nobody has read it! I realize I'm kind of pleading into the void here, but if you like this fic, consider reading that book as well! (and if you do...come talk to me at @archvillain-fandom...i'm starving for supervillain fans!)
> 
> okay, special interest rant over! If you liked this fic, make sure to leave kudos or a comment, or hit me up @bluemandycat on tumblr.


	4. Fannihilator and the Conjurer vs. Ant-Lupe!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fannihilator and Kyle do battle with Ant-Lupe!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally we get to see some real super-heroic action! Hope you enjoy!

Kyle and Fannihilator landed on top of the roof of an apartment building. As soon as his boots touched something solid, Fannihilator was running over to an air duct. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that his antenna was still untouched, nestled in a chink in the concrete. “She hasn’t gotten to it yet,” he sighed. 

Kyle walked over and peered at the unassuming device. “What does it do?”

“It’s one of many trackers I planted around the city,” Fannihilator explained. “It detects any outburst of superpowers. Or  _ magic _ , if you prefer.” Kyle stuck his tongue out at him. “It measures the excess of energy, and notifies Dollar-nator. Every outburst of power has their own distinctive signature, like a fingerprint. That’s how he knew Ant-Lupe was in the area.”

“Wow,” Kyle said. “You’re a lot smarter than I remembered.”

“Ass.”

“I don’t get it, though,” continued Kyle. “If you have so many of these trackers, why not just let her destroy this one? You could always replace it later.”

Fannihilator couldn’t have been more horrified. “I don’t abandon anyone. Not friends, not animals, and  _ definitely  _ not my machines.” Just to prove his point, he pet the antenna like one would pet a dog. 

“You get weirder and weirder every day,” said a voice from the other side of the roof. 

Fannihilator stood up. “Ant-Lupe.”

The superheroine was unmistakable in her red-and-white costume. She had a red mask tied around her head, and her curly hair was pulled back into a strict bun. Her fake bug’s antennae wiggled as she bobbed up and down in the sky.

“Fannihilator,” she replied. “And… henchman with stick?”

Kyle nodded in greeting as he moved to perch on one of the air conditioning vents. “Hello. I am not his henchman. I am simply tagging along.”

Fannihilator continued, “Now what brings you out to this fine rooftop?”

“I heard you had a secret–“ She paused, shook her head, and turned back to Kyle. “I’m sorry, were you in Mr. Mufflin’s class ten years ago?”

“Kyle the Conjurer,” Kyle said, bowing. “I transferred back to England when all this fuss about superheroes and villains began to unfold.”

Ant-Lupe looked puzzled, but then something clicked. “Wizboy!”

“Yes,” Kyle allowed. “Although I’ve specialized in a very specific school of study, I suppose that Americans will only know me as ‘wizboy.’”

“What are you doing hanging out with him?” Ant-Lupe asked, pointing a finger towards Fannihilator. “You should be hanging out with the superheroes.”

“Um, hello? Because he’s a villain too!” Fannihilator spat.

“Ignore him,” Ant-Lupe told Kyle. “He’s just mad that his life of crime has doomed him to a life of solitude.”

“Okay, one,  _ ouch _ ,” Fannihilator said. “Two, that is depressingly accurate, but my personal life has nothing to do with you screwing up my machines.”

“Your machines cause harm,” said Ant-Lupe with a growl.

“Not  _ all  _ of them! Just most of them! And that antenna is harmless!”

“Fannihilator, my ant senses are telling me that you’re very emotionally fragile right now,” she said carefully.

“Your ant senses can  _ suck it!  _ I’m the villain! I keep all of my emotions bottled up, and I will continue to do that until the inevitable day that one of my machines blows up and takes me and half the city with it!”

“What would Super Chum–”

“Don’t you dare!”

“I’m just saying that he’s been–”

“I will kill you if you don’t stop it!”

Ant-Lupe looked to Kyle. “He’s dangerous, you see? You’ll get hurt if you tag along with him, no matter how much you pretended to be a wizard as a kid.”

“Even so, I think I’ll watch,” Kyle’s voice was cool. “Get the lay of the land.”

Ant-Lupe shrugged, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” And then she charged Fannihilator.

He slipped to the side and out of the way, and fired one of the boomerangs on his helmet. It smacked her in the cheek, and she spun around, even madder than before. “Yuh-oh,” Fannihilator said. He activated his rocket boots and flew up to hover six feet above the roof. “Missed me!” he jeered, and pressed a button on his shoulder. 

The plates of his armor rearranged themselves around his wrist in that familiar way, and out popped his little plasma gun. “Hey, Ant-Lupe, you ever learn the states of matter?”

She ripped up the air-conditioning unit, tossing Kyle to the side roughly, and then threw it at him.

Fannihilator dodged it easily, backing up until he wasn’t over the roof anymore. He knew that he looked cooler if it seemed like he was unafraid of plummeting to his death.

“Okay, that’s solid. There’s also Super Chum’s brain, which would count as a liquid–” From the ground, Kyle laughed weakly. “–and I guess you could classify Super Chum’s loyalty as a vapor. You know, everyone claims it’s there, but you never see it. And then, do you know what the fourth state is? The one they don’t really teach you?”

“Get down here!” yelled Ant-Lupe.

“Well, I’m going to take that as a ‘no.’ That would be plasma. Let me know how it tastes!” He fired his gun at her, hitting her directly in the stomach. She fell back and skidded a few feet. Plasma wasn’t lethal, so Fannihilator allowed himself a good “evil giggle” as she righted herself. 

His victory was short-lived, though. She stood up straight and extended her arms. Her eyes glowed red. “Come to me, my fiery brethren!”

“Fire ants!” Fannihilator yelled. “Get out of the way, Kyle!”

Sure enough, about five hundred ants poured out of the cracks in the building to surround Ant-Lupe. Kyle squeezed himself into a corner, but the ants weren’t all that interested in him (probably because of Ant-Lupe’s psychic control).

“Ants,” Lupe said, pointing at him, “Get him out of the sky.”

At her command, the ants began stacking themselves on top of one another. More ants crawled out of unseen hiding places in order to make the column higher.

“What are you thinking?” Fannihilator exclaimed. “My armor is fireproof!” 

“Doesn’t matter!” Ant-Lupe yelled back.

The column of ants was level with Fannihilator’s foot. He kicked at it, and nothing happened. He tried to draw his leg back for another kick– but was shocked when he found his boot stuck. “Um, what?”

Ant-Lupe made a pulling motion with her hand, and he could feel the ants pulling at his boot. He twisted and wriggled in the air, but to no avail, and the boot flew off his foot and into the open air, making a  _ crunch  _ sound on the pavement ten seconds later.

“Okay, very creative,” Fannihilator admitted, attempting to balance on one foot. “You got me this time, I admit it. I’ll come down and let you cuff me, or whatever.”

The ants grabbed hold of his remaining boot. “Ant-Lupe, you won! I surrendered! Knock it off!”

Her eyes were wide. “I’m not making them do that.”

“Your ants gained sentience just to kill me?”

“I don’t know!” The superheroine actually looked panicked. “They’re not responding!”

“Figure something out!” Fannihilator screamed.

She screamed back, “I can’t–” 

But then the ants pulled his other boot off. Fannihilator’s feet attempted to find something solid to stand on, but a thousand ants is hardly a solid surface, and he fell backwards towards the road–

Until he landed on something bouncy. He opened one eye, adrenaline still pumping. He was sitting on his butt, encased in a bubble. Was this death?

But no, the bubble began to rise up until it was level with the roof. Kyle had his wand held aloft over his head, his cape streaming out behind him. Fannihilator’s bubble drifted towards the wizard and popped, depositing Fannihilator on his butt behind Kyle. 

“You don’t know who I am yet, so consider this a warning!” Kyle bellowed. He swept his wand in a circle, and the ant column crumbled. Fannihilator watched in wonder as thousands of ants flipped onto their backs and died for no apparent reason. Ant-Lupe’s shocked face melted into horror.

“I want you to go back to your superheroes, and tell them that there’s a new villain in town! Let everyone know that they should fear the Conjurer!” Kyle took one stomp further towards her. “And stay out of our way!” 

Ant-Lupe was probably the smartest member of the Super Chums, so she took Kyle’s advice and high-tailed it. As soon as she was out of sight, Kyle collapsed onto the floor, panting heavily.

“That took… so much effort,” he wheezed. “Have you ever tried to extinguish thousands of souls at once with your mind?”

“Tried, yes,” replied the Fannihilator. “Succeeded, no. Thanks for saving my life back there.”

“Don’t mention it. Let me rest for a little bit, and then I’ll be good to fly home.” Fannihilator handed him a water bottle from one of his armor pockets.

“ _ Home  _ home, like England? Or the water tower.”

“Water tower. I think I’m going to be good in a couple seconds.”

“Okay, so about that…”

“Mm?” Kyle hummed, his mouth full,

“My rocket boots were destroyed, and I doubt you have enough energy to carry me back.” Kyle nodded reluctantly. “So the way I see it, we’ve got two options. One, we wait an hour or so for you to regain some of your energy so that you can bridal-carry me home, or two, we climb down the building and take the bus.”

“I suppose we are kind of a target here,” Kyle admitted.

“Bus it is, then!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the spiel: read my favorite book Archvillain if you like supervillains/want to know what this was inspired by, leave a kudo or a comment to make me smile and work the next chapter, and if you have any questions, be sure to direct them over to bluemandycat on tumblr! I promise I'll answer!
> 
> See ya next chapter!


	5. The Calamitous Covenant of the Fannihilator and the Conjurer!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fight with Ant-Lupe, the boys de-brief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 already? Damn.
> 
> Big thanks to those of you who leave kudos and comments and hit me up on Discord or Tumblr! Y'all are giving me the motivation to actually write!
> 
> Big, BIG thanks to @frostyfreezyfreeze/acecopular, who assembled two really great playlists to accompany this fic! Give 'em a listen, and enjoy!
> 
> And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Fanboy and Eric Robles!
> 
> Fannihilator playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2ynCiXPWD8iGCoZlfYdvqh?si=zhfwGUUxTRSSKRIe17qCzQ  
> Fankyle supervilllain playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4WAvdJ2ukgORGO6HUyvOrO

When they got back to the Fanlair (via an entirely-too-crowded bus), Dollar-nator was waiting with a plateful of brownies.

“Pot?” Fannihilator asked hopefully. Stress relief was definitely something he needed.

“Regular,” said Dollar-nator. “You’re a serious stoner. You know that, right?”

Fannihilator took two and crashed onto the couch. “Maybe so.”

“The human brain doesn’t fully develop until age twenty-five. You’re just killing brain cells.”

Fannihilator knocked on his helmet. “Got plenty to spare.” Dollar-nator only rolled his eyes at that.

Kyle took a brownie carefully, and said, “Thank you. I don’t think we were ever introduced. My name is Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason. I am one of the top necromancers in the UK.”

“Dollar-nator,” said Dollar-nator. “I’m a talking arcade machine.”

“I built him back when I was just getting started,” Fannihilator said, removing his helmet and starting on unlocking the (admittedly tricky) mechanisms of his power armor. “He’s been my right-hand man ever since.”

“The Fannihilator is very bad at taking care of himself,” Dollar-nator explained to Kyle. “I exist to tend to his wounds and make sure he eats enough.”

Fannihilator shimmied out of his costume, and threw on his ratty hoodie from where he had discarded it earlier. He carefully folded up his armor and helmet, and put them by the door. “So, how was your little taste of supervillainy?”

Kyle peeled off his domino mask and carefully hung his cape over the back of the couch. “Well, it _was_ quite tiring, using all that magic at once. I could do with maybe an hour of preparation next time, just so I can charge some more difficult spells and brew–”

“Woah, woah,” Fannihilator objected, waving his hands. “ _Next time?_ Who said anything about ‘next time’?”

Kyle blinked. “Well, of _course_ there’s going to be a next time. Things went okay today, but I can do much better if I’m prepared.”

Fannihilator opened and closed his mouth in shock, but managed to say, “Why do you _want_ to be a supervillain?”

“Well, why do _you_ do it?” Kyle retorted. “Just for the attention?”

Fannihilator gritted his teeth. However unintentionally, Kyle had touched a nerve. That, plus the humiliation of almost being thrown off of a building today, made him see red. He stomped into the kitchen, past Dollar-nator and Kyle. “Do you want some more tea?”

Kyle followed him. “Okay, not for the attention, then. The thrill? The adrenaline rush?”

“I’ll make you some more tea!” Fannihilator shouted, fiddling with the kettle.

“Just drop it, man,” said Dollar-nator. “He doesn’t talk to me about it, and he made me.”

Fannihilator turned around, “Don’t talk about me behind my back!”  
  


Kyle made a “calm down” motion with his hands. “Okay, okay, I’ll back off. But when I swept my hand, and all those ants died, the rush of adrenaline and power I got was off the charts. I’d never felt so confident in myself. Not as a wizard, anyway. I need to do that again.”

Fannihilator turned the burner on. “And it’s wonderful that you feel that way. But the Fannihilator works alone.”

“Alone with Dollar-nator?” Kyle pointed out. Dollar-nator laughed, and Fannihilator groaned.

“I invented him. He has to work with me.”

“So why not make room for another?”

Fannihilator sighed, and walked over to take Kyle’s ungloved hands in his gloved ones. He didn’t want to hurt the wizard’s feelings, but… “Kyle, I had a really fun time with you today. You’re clearly already very good at the supervillain stuff, and you’re actually cool to hang out with. But we can’t be partners together. Become a supervillain if you want– you’d probably be better at it than me– but I don’t want you getting caught up in my shit.”

Kyle’s face fell, and he yanked his hands back. “I see. I suppose I can’t blame you. The dark arts are done in the dark for a reason.”

“It’s not personal, don’t worry. He’s just a shut-in,” Dollar-nator jutted in. He was clearly just trying to help, but Kyle and Fannihilator both shot him angry looks. 

“Very well,” said Kyle stiffly. “I suppose I shall be leaving, then.”

“I suppose you shall,” retorted Fannihilator.

“I’m clearly not welcome here.”

“Villains aren’t welcome anywhere.”

“I will be deleting your number from my cell phone.”

“And I will too.”

“Goodbye. See you _never_.” Kyle gathered his cape up into his arms, and opened the front door. 

“Have a nice life!” Fannihilator shouted. Kyle took one step out the door… and immediately screamed, and darted back inside. 

“You didn’t tell me it was _raining!”_ Kyle exclaimed accusingly.

Fannihilator peeked out the window. It was foggy, maybe drizzling if you squinted your eyes. He looked back at Kyle and raised an eyebrow. “It’s only drizzling.”

“You _fool_! Rain is like acid to wizards! Everyone knows that!”

“So, in other words, you _can’t_ leave.” Figures that they’d be stuck together the minute that Fannihilator burnt his bridges. 

Kyle turned to Dollar-nator. “Dollar-nator! I demand you tell me at once when this rain is to let up.”

“Okay, first of all, you don’t have to demand,” said the robot irritably. “You can just ask. Second, tomorrow morning, at the earliest.”

“Tomorrow?” Kyle exclaimed incredulously. _“Tomorrow?”_

“It’s only a day away,” said Dollar-nator.

Fannihilator pinched the bridge of his nose. “Dollar-nator, can you please drag the spare bed out of storage? It looks like we’re having a sleepover.”

—————-

And that was how two twenty-two year old men found themselves having a slumber party together. Kyle popped popcorn with his wand, while Dollar-nator baked cookies. Fannihilator made sure the couch was covered in fluffy blankets and pillows. 

It was exactly as awkward as one would expect. None of them talked to each other, although the tension in the air could be cut with a knife. When the cookies were done, Dollar-nator muttered something about “leaving you guys to it” and disappeared. 

So it ended up being just the Fannihilator and Kyle on the couch, wrapped up in blankets with _Godzilla_ playing on the TV. 

Twenty minutes into the movie, Kyle said, “Good job being a loner, asshole.”

“I wish it didn’t have to be this way,” Fannihilator replied.

“It doesn’t. You’re the one enforcing the “angsty loner” rule.”

“Touché,” Fanboy said. “I guess I just have some skeletons in the closet.”

“We all do.” Kyle brushed his hair out of his face. “Doesn’t mean you have to bear it alone.”

“You’re actually successful, though. Top necromancer in England, or whatever. That actually means something in the wider world. I don’t want your association with me to fuck with your status.”

“Fuck that.” Kyle’s voice came out a lot harsher than Fannihilator was expecting. “I don’t care what they think. Being a supervillain with you, even just for a day, made me happier than I’ve been in months.”

Onscreen, Godzilla breathed radiation blasts at a poor model of Tokyo. Fannihilator considered it all. 

“You really want to be a supervillain, huh?” he asked Kyle. 

“I’m going to be a supervillain,” Kyle replied confidently. “It’s just a question of whether we’ll be supervillains together or not.”

Fannihilator cursed under his breath. He couldn’t believe how easily he had been worn down. “Fine. You win.”

Kyle cheered, but Fannihilator held up one finger. “On one condition.” The wizard nodded. “We get you a better costume.”

“Deal!” Kyle exclaimed. “Oh, this’ll be great fun! Where shall we go for my costume? Is there some kind of emporium in town?”

“Nah, I have a supervillain contact. We’ll visit her tomorrow and get something worked out.”

“I suppose she isn’t a friend, then,” Kyle said. “What is she?”

Fannihilator leaned back on the couch. “She’s a pain in the fucking ass. You’ll like her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Looking forward to writing the next chapter– who doesn't love a good villainous makeover? Tell me what you thought of this chapter, and I'll see you next time!


	6. The Fannihilator and the Conjurer Meet the Yokeless Yowl!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fannihilator and Kyle go to a supervillainess's house for costumes, crumpets, and camaraderie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! New chapter! Unsure if this is something everyone will like, or it's just me. It is, however, longer than usual! Enjoy!

The next morning, Kyle made fried eggs while Fannihilator rebuilt his rocket boots. Luckily, since he still had the blueprints and enough spare parts lying around, the actual labor took only about two hours. Kyle made him sit down at the table so they could eat breakfast together, which ate up half an hour that could’ve been better spent inventing, but overall the morning was fairly productive.

After the dishes were washed, Fannihilator put on his armor, while Kyle wrapped himself in the cape and domino mask. Then, as promised, they flew off together towards the supervillainess’s hideout. 

She lived on the outskirts of town, in a less-than-beautiful tan apartment complex. Fannihilator didn’t visit very often, mostly because it was a pain to fly out there just to hang out with someone he wasn’t friends with. But if Kyle was going to be his supervillain partner, he needed a costume from the best.

When they got to her front door, Fannihilator wasted no time on politeness. He pounded three times. “OPEN UP!” he yelled. ‘Yowl!” He shook the doorknob. 

Kyle raised a finger. “The neighbors?”

“No neighbors,” Fannihilator explained, and then continued, “YOWL! I know you’re in there!” From behind the door, he could hear robotic cat meows. “Open the door!”

He heard five bolts unlock, and then the door was pulled open, so he was face to face with Yowl– an Asian woman wearing rainbow tights, a fluffy tutu, and a punk-rock corset. “It’s nice to see you, Fannihilator,” she said sweetly, though Fannihilator knew her well enough to detect the hint of sarcasm in her voice.

“Yo?” Kyle said.

Her eyebrows raised, and she made a squeeing noise. “Kyle? Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason?”

“Hi,” he said, with an awkward wave. “I’m back.”

She reached past Fannihilator to grab Kyle’s arm and drag him into the apartment. “Oh my god, it’s been  _ years!  _ You went back to England, right?” Fannihilator strolled in after them.

Her apartment was decorated with so many bright colors that it actually hurt Fannihilator’s eyes. An overstuffed sofa with a wooden coffee table was the centerpiece of the room. The little pink Scamperses ran to and fro carrying bolts of fabric and sewing kits on their backs. It was chaos, but not the chaos he was used to. 

“Oh!” Kyle exclaimed, lifting a leg out of the way of one of the Scamperses. “What are these?”

Fannihilator bent down to scratch its robotic ear. “My way of repaying Yowl.”

“Fannihilator’s a  _ doll _ ,” Yowl explained. “When I was at my lowest, he came to me, like a knight in shining armor–”

“I just asked her to make my costume,” Fannihilator interrupted. “She did a good job, and so I built the Scamperses to help her.” He gestured to the pink cats running from room to room. “They’re based off of her favorite game.”

Fannihilator had figured, when he became a supervillain, that Yowl would become Super Chum’s “damsel in distress.” She was obsessed with the hero, after all. But to his surprise, after a few rounds of “kidnap the hero’s girlfriend,” she had gotten bored with it all. Fannihilator had awkwardly mentioned off-hand that he needed help designing a costume, and that was all the persuasion it took. She had pirouetted into the darkness without a look back, and had come back as the supervillainess Yowl.

And now they had this odd working relationship. She dragged Kyle over to the couch and sat him down. “I just put some crumpets in the oven!” she exclaimed. “So how is everything? You’re a wizard now?”

Kyle laughed nervously. “Tried it, for a while. The whole ‘necromancy’ thing. Honestly, it wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be when I was a kid.”

Yowl nodded. “Tell me about it. I think that’s just growing up. You remember how badly I wanted to be Chum Chum’s girlfriend when we were in school, right? Look at me now!” She popped up from the couch and did a spin. “Single, evil, and happier than ever!”

“And we’re all very proud of you,” Fannihilator remarked dryly. He was, of course, quite proud of her, but he had an edgy villain appearance to keep up.

“You’re single and evil too,” Yowl said. “Now all we have to work on is the ‘happy.’” She patted him on the cheek, and Fannihilator knew that she saw right through his act. That was why they were allies.

“Actually, Yowl,” said Fannihilator, removing her hand from his face. “Kyle wants to be a supervillain too. And he actually has some powers, unlike us.”

“What can you do?” asked Yowl.

“I can kill and reanimate with my mind– what do you mean you guys don’t have powers?”

“Fannihilator talks a big game, but he’s just good at building things.”

“And Yowl may be good at psychological terrorizing, but in the end she’s just using my tech,” Fannihilator explained. “So in the end, we’re powerless.”

“Well, you’ve got me now,” Kyle smiled.

“Yay! Another supervillain friend!” she cheered.

“For the record, I was bullied into this,” Fannihilator said.

“He’s like this with all new people,” Yowl stage-whispered to Kyle. “He’ll warm up eventually.” Fannihilator rolled his eyes, and she continued, “If you need a costume, I’m the best in town. I made Fannihilator’s armor.”

“Hey, I made my armor!” Fannihilator protested. “You just designed it!”

Kyle looked back and forth at the two. “Well, I suppose that, between the two of you, a decent costume will be made.”

Yowl clapped her hands in excitement. “So what’s the vibe we’re going for? Sort of an annoyed ‘I’m from England’ look, something wizard-y, or something about death?” She tapped her chin, and said, “Now that I’m saying it out loud, definitely the death one. You want me to work the cape and domino mask in?”

“Uh, sure–” Kyle managed to say, before the mask and cape were ripped off of him and given to a Scampers. 

“Redo the hem on this with a straight stitch. Add some of fabric 723 around the mask, and reinforce with foam. Then set that aside to be cut,” she said fiercely to the little pink cat. Turning back to Kyle, she grabbed his face and tilted it this way and that, looking at his bone structure.

Fannihilator watched in amusement. He had been the victim of Yowl’s makeovers on many an occasion. “Go easy on him!” he called.

“You three, take him in there and get his measurements,” she directed to three Scamperses, who obediently herded Kyle off into the next room. She approached Fannihilator and said, “You don’t think you’re getting off that easy, do you?”

“I suppose not,” he said. He took off his helmet and unclasped his cape, to save her the trouble. She handed them off to one of her little lackeys, with some whispered instructions. 

“Now  _ wait here _ ,” she said sternly, before dashing off into the other room.

She was only gone for five minutes before she came running back into the room. “I think I’ve got something good in storage for him. It’s being altered now. In the meantime, I’ve got him on hair and makeup, so that I can focus all my attention on you, my BFF.”

“I hate that you call me that,” said Fannihilator.

“And I love that you hate that!” she retorted. “Now mask off!”

He shook his head. “Uh-uh. You know the rules. Mask stays on, gloves stay on.” 

“Spoilsport.” She snapped her fingers, and a Scampers delivered a large metal makeup kit to her.

“So what do you think of Kyle?” he asked her, as she rubbed primer into the parts of his face that weren’t covered by the mask.

“He’s cute,” she said. “I didn’t know you’d decided to start having friends again.”

“He’s not my friend,” Fannihilator said. “He just wants to be a supervillain, so I’m helping him get started.”

“Uh-huh,” said Yowl, like she was unconvinced. 

“I’m serious!” he exclaimed, as she dabbed concealer on top of the acne scars under his mouth. “He won’t leave me alone to do my infernal work, so I’m getting him out of my hair!”

“I don’t leave you alone, either, and aren’t we friends?” Fannihilator groaned, and she held up a finger. “One sec.” 

She ran off into the room where Kyle was, and he heard her say, “A little tighter in the waist! And now step into  _ these _ , and...okay! Close your eyes!” There was a spraying sound, and then she yelled, “Fuck! My crumpets!”

He heard some running, and then, “Now take  _ this  _ to Fan, and  _ this  _ to Kyle, and someone tell me that the capes are done!”

A Scampers delivered him some crumpets on a plate. Fannihilator munched on the surprisingly good treat as he heard crashing noises, and then she was running back into the room with him. “Never a dull moment with you, is there?” he said.

“The metal stamper’s been on the fritz lately. You’ll take a look at it, won’t you?” She snapped open an eyeshadow palette, and began dusting purple and green on his lids.

“Remind me why you’re not in textile engineering, again?” 

“Too much bureaucracy.” She clapped the palette shut, and began to line his eyes with black. “You’ll look at it, though, right?”

“‘Course,” said Fannihilator. “How’s Kyle holding up?”

Yowl giggled. “Oh, just fine. Promise me that when you two get married I can make your wedding dress.”

“Quit it.”

“Fannihilator, if you don’t put a ring on that, someone else will!” she sang.

“I’m serious. We’re not dating.”

“That should change.” She dusted his cheekbones with purple highlighter, and then closed the makeup case. “Metal stamper’s in here.”

She led him into a room full of machines– industrial sewing machines, blind-hemmers, digitized embroidery machines– and pointed him at the one that looked like it should be in a mechanic’s workshop. Just as quickly, she was gone. Fannihilator bent down and got to work on the metal stamper.

It was only a minor fix– some scrap metal had gotten caught inside the inner mechanisms. He was able to disengage it with only his hands. Just to be safe, he gave the machine a full check-up, but found nothing else amiss. Yowl was the only other person he knew who took care of machines like they were living creatures.

“I’m done!” he called, and she came bounding back into the room with his cape over one shoulder and his helmet in her hands. He took his helmet back, admiring how she had touched up the paint and sharpened the spikes. “Not bad, not bad,” he said, putting it on his head.

“Look at what I did to the cape!” Yowl said excitedly. Fannihilator ran his fingers over the translucent spider-webby purple material.

“Very cool,” he admitted. The spikes on the shoulders were freshly buffed, as well. He bent forward, and she wrapped it around him and fastened it at the neck.

“And now for the main event!” She grasped his hand and dragged him out of the machine room and through the living room. They stopped right before they went into the room where Kyle was. 

“Wait, close your eyes!” she ordered. Fannihilator obediently shut his eyes. “Now put your hands over them!”   
  


“Is this really necessary?”

“Do it!”

He covered his eyes with his hands, and she guided him forward, around a corner, and they stopped. He heard her giggle. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

When Fannihilator opened his eyes, he nearly had a heart attack. There was Kyle in front of the mirror, and, objectively and rationally, he hadn’t changed much at all. And yet, Fannihilator felt like he was looking at the wizard for the first time. Yowl had put him in black dress pants and a black button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Over that was a vest in a deep crimson that was almost black, and his tie (in that same dark shade of red) had a little black skull ornament at the knot. He wore knee-length dark red boots, and his high-collared cape over all of it. 

“Woah,” Fannihilator said, almost instinctively. 

Kyle turned around. He was wearing a black mask that was shaped like a skull and clung to his features. His eyes were lined messily with liquid eyeliner. “Do I look stupid?”

Fannihilator closed his mouth. “Yowl, I owe you so much money for this.”

She gave him a side-hug. “Just buy me brunch and cover the cost of fabric, and we’re even.”

“I look stupid, don’t I?” Kyle muttered, fiddling with the tie. “I knew the skull was a bit too far.”

“No, no!” Fannihilator was quick to say. “You look… awesome. Really intimidating.”

Inside, he was having a bit of a Crisis, with a capital C. He kept on replaying Yowl’s words in his head:  _ if you don’t put a ring on it, someone else will.  _ He’d only had Kyle back in his life for a couple of days, and yet… he already felt so comfortable around him. But if he moved too fast, would that scare Kyle off? Fannihilator was hopelessly lost. 

“Oh, good,” Kyle said, swishing the material of the cape back and forth. “I guess I  _ am  _ trying to go for the ‘refined British lord’ look, after all.”

Fannihilator and Yowl made eye contact, and she instantly knew what he was thinking. “Uh, whoops,” she said, checking an imaginary watch on her wrist. “I think I left my oven on.” 

When she had high-tailed it out of the room, Fannihilator stepped closer to Kyle. “So, what do you think of Yowl?”

“She’s a bit of a hurricane,” the wizard said. “Does she ever run out of energy?”

“I know she can be a little batshit, but she’s on our side,” said Fannihilator. “And she subscribes to the same non-lethal policy as I do.”

Kyle smiled half-heartedly. “That’s good.”

“Um, hey.” Fannihilator cleared his throat. “I have something to ask you.”

“What?”

“Do you want to…move in with me?”

“Uh, what? Really?” Kyle said. 

“Really,” replied Fannihilator. “I mean, I don’t know where you’ve been staying, but if we’re going to be supervillains together, it would make sense to live in the same place, right? And the Fanlair is the safest place in town, thanks to my machines. So if you think about it, it’s really the most practical solution.”

Kyle smiled at him, and Fannihilator’s heart briefly stopped. “I’d like that.”

Yowl came bounding back into the room. “Aww, that was really sweet!”

“Can you at least  _ pretend  _ that you weren’t listening in?” complained Fannihilator. 

“No,” she replied. “Now, I seem to recall someone owing me brunch. How about we pay that debt right now?”

Fannihilator checked his real watch. “Sure, why not? There’s a cool diner in town.”

“Yay!” she squealed, and ran off to change her own outfit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I work in a theater costume shop? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> If anyone draws Yowl because of this chapter I will hug you affectionately for three whole minutes.
> 
> Leave a comment, leave a kudo, or just come hit me up on Tumblr @bluemandycat.


	7. The Fannihilator, the Conjurer, and Yowl vs. Super Chum, Ant-Lupe, and Teen Spirit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The villain gang goes out to brunch, but their peaceful meal is interrupted by a few superheroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! I'm so beyond thrilled at the enthusiasm abt this fic! I hope you enjoy the chapter!! 
> 
> Thanks to @omo-doodles on Tumblr for this drawing of Kyle's supervillain costume: https://omo-doodles.tumblr.com/post/617983958048718848/so-i-decided-to-do-something-with-that-sketch-and
> 
> And thanks to @fluspirits on Instagram for this drawing of Yowl: https://www.instagram.com/p/CAJDO3aAu7Q/?igshid=6jzavrpt143
> 
> If anyone does any art of this fic tag me in it and I'll put it in the bio of next chapter!!

The trio of supervillains walked to the Cosmic Diner. If the choice had been up to Fannihilator, they would have flown, but Yowl insisted on bringing her flock of Scamperses with her. “I don’t like leaving home without my babies,” she said, with a wink, and Fannihiilator was, once again, unsure how serious she was.

But they made it to the diner safely, despite the flock of robotic cats that trailed behind them. Citizens of Galaxy Hills recognized them as supervillains– or recognized Yowl and Fannihilator, at least– and cleared out of their way.

They got a booth in the restaurant, and, while Yowl corralled her Scamperses under the table, Kyle and Fannihilator looked at the menus. 

“I haven’t had a proper breakfast since I came here,” Kyle remarked.

“Excuse me for not being a professional chef,” retorted Fannihilator.

“There is no home cooking in the world that could beat a full English breakfast. Fried eggs, bacon, sausage, coffee, toast–”

“That’s not a British breakfast!” Fannihilator protested. “That’s an American breakfast! An English breakfast would be like… beans on toast, or something.”

“Beans on toast is a snack!” Kyle exclaimed. “And besides, an English breakfast has tomatoes and mushrooms and pudding, too.”

“Gross,” said Yowl. “Who eats pudding for breakfast?”

“I do!”

“Has sriracha sauce come to your country yet, or is that too foreign?” Yowl teased.

“You know…”

“Excuse me,” said a waitress, approaching their table nervously. “Can I take your orders?”

“Blueberry pancakes and coffee,” said the Fannihilator.

“Black tea and fried eggs with sausage, hash browns, and rashers, please,” said Kyle. 

“What are–” began the waitress.

“Bacon,” corrected Kyle, with a slight groan.

“An egg sandwich, and could I have hot sauce too?” Yowl said sweetly. “And an iced tea?”

The waitress took their orders, but her hands shook as she wrote them down. “Sure thing,” she said, with an impressive amount of fortitude. “I’ll have those out to you right away.” 

The three villains watched her speed-walk away from their table as fast as she could. “She’s so scared of us. I kind of feel bad,” Fannihilator admitted.

“We should tip well,” Kyle suggested. “If only to apologize for bringing twenty robot cats into her dining establishment.

“The Scamperses are  _ delights!”  _ Yo protested. As if on cue, five of them meowed the exact same robotic meow at the same time. 

“Yowl,” Fannihilator said, “We are not ordinary customers here.” To prove his point, he gestured his hands at the people at the tables around them, who were unsuccessfully trying not to stare. When they realized they’d been noticed, they all pointedly looked away or at their food.

“Fine, I’ll put in money for the tip,” she conceded. “But you’re still covering my food.”

The waitress brought them their drinks silently. Fannihilator stirred cream and real sugar into his coffee, while Yowl stirred stevia into her iced tea. Kyle wrinkled his nose and sipped his unsweetened black tea.

“I don’t see how you can drink tea cold,” he said to Yowl. 

“Now you sound like a British stereotype,” she said.

Fannihilator chuckled. “ _ Now?  _ Our Kyle always sounds like a British stereotype.”

“ _ Our  _ Kyle?” Kyle leaned his face against his hand. “That makes me feel rather special.”

Fannihilator blushed, and Yowl laughed openly at him. “Careful with your words, Fannihilator,” she said. “You might accidentally admit that you like our company.”

“Oh, shut up,” Fannihilator replied. “The only thing you’re good for is to do the heroes’ dirty work.”

“Then that makes two of us.” She flicked her straw paper at him. It hit him in the cheek, and they both laughed. 

“What do you mean, ‘do the heroes’ dirty work’?” asked Kyle. 

Yowl began, “Well, occasionally–“

“–once in a blue moon–“ interrupted Fannihilator. 

“–there’ll be some huge threat to the city. And the heroes will have to turn to us in order to defeat it. It’s very embarrassing for everyone.”

“Yeah,” said the Fannihilator. “They’re mad because they have to turn to their enemies for help, we’re mad because we don’t like being their attack dogs. But, you know, we do have  _ standards  _ for who’s allowed to plague Galaxy Hills.”

“What kind of threats do you mean, exactly?” Kyle asked. 

Just then, the waitress brought out their food. Fannihilator waited for her to leave before he answered. She was scared enough. “The last one was Copy Kitten, right, Yowl?”

Yowl nodded. “Copy Kitten. She had the power to imitate anyone.”

“ _ Had? _ ” Kyle echoed in distress. 

“Well,  _ has _ . Technically.” Yowl paused, so the Fannihilator took over. 

“She was sort of a normal supervillain. Wasn’t friendly with me or Yowl, but that’s not required. But then she set off a bomb in a bank, and four people died. So we teamed up and kicked her off the planet.”

“She’s drifting through space right now,” Yowl explained, around a bite of her sandwich. “Unlikely to kill again, at this rate.” 

“We don’t suffer murderers here,” said Fannihilator.

Kyle stuffed a piece of bacon into his mouth, and part of his egg. “Sure,” he said, with his mouth full.

“You okay?” Fannihilator asked with a frown.

But Yowl’s eyes had widened. “Turn around, but not too fast.”

Fannihilator turned slowly, towards the front of the restaurant. He caught a glimpse of yellow and orange, and quickly whipped his head back. “Fucking Super Chums.”

Yowl nodded. “Do you want to ignore them?”

“ _ Definitely.”  _ He leaned low over the table and took a bite of pancakes and syrup. “Fuck, we can’t just have a nice brunch, can we?”

Kyle said, “Um, are they walking towards us?”

“ _ Fuck,”  _ Fannihilator cursed again.

A black-gauntleted hand placed itself right next to his plate. “Fannihilator.”

Super Chum was exactly the same as always– brown swooping hair, black domino mask, orange costume, yellow cape, infuriating veneer of goodness and justice. Fannihilator practically had him memorized. Behind him stood Ant-Lupe, in her red-and-white costume with the fake bug antennae headband, and Teen Spirit, a ghostly redheaded woman wearing a cheerleader’s costume and holding pom poms.

“What?” Fannihilator snapped, looking up at the hero.

“What’s the scheme?” Super Chum asked. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play dumb. You never come out of your lair unless you’re plotting something,” said the hero. “So what is it?”

“I’m  _ plotting  _ to have a nice brunch with my friends,” said Fannihilator. “Is that enough for you?”

Yowl waved. “Hi Super Chum! Long time no see!”

“Hello, Yo,” said the hero. “Still committed to playing supervillain?”

“Afraid so,” she said sweetly. “I see you brought your girlfriends with you. Hi, Ant-Lupe. Hi, Teen Spirit.”

“Hi, Yowl,” said Ant-Lupe.

“Hey!” Teen Spirit called, in a hollow voice.

“And have you met our newest member, the Conjurer?” said Fannihilator.

Kyle raised a hand. “Hi.”

“Kyle?” Super Chum tilted his head. “You’re on the side of evil?”

“Since when have I  _ not  _ been on the side of evil?”

“Since you went back to England ten years ago!”

“We’re just trying to have a normal brunch,” said Teen Spirit. “Can we do that?”

“You gave up all chances of a normal brunch when you decided to come up to our table,” Yowl said.

“Look, let’s not cause a scene,” said Super Chum. “Let’s take this outside, like adults.”

“Fine.” Fannihilator pulled out his wallet and put three twenties down on the table. Kyle and Yowl both added their own money. Fannihilator hoped that that would cover their meal, plus tip. If not, he’d have to come back and make it up to that waitress– otherwise, his conscience would kill him.

The three supervillains, the three superheroes, and the twenty Scamperses filed out of the diner and into the parking lot. Once there, they took defensive stances across from each other.

“So how are we doing this?” Super Chum asked. “One-on-one?”

“Dibs on fighting Ant-Lupe!” Yowl called out.

Ant-Lupe’s eyes glowed, and ants poured out of cracks in the concrete to surround her. “Get ready to be destroyed, princess.”

“You think?” Yowl giggled. “Scampers?” All of her Scamperses meowed once in unison, and then began stacking on top of one another, their parts clicking together around Yowl. Fannihilator watched in pride as the Scampers mech he had designed roared at the heroes. Yowl waved, seated safely on top.

“Teen Spirit, take the new guy,” Super Chum directed.

“And that leaves you and me,” said Fannihilator, pulling out his heat ray. Even just looking at Super Chum made him mad.

“Of course,” the hero said smoothly. “Ready?”

“Ready.” And the heroes and villains launched themselves at each other. 

Fannihilator fired his ray, but the beam deflected off of Super Chum’s chest. Super Chum countered with his laser vision. Fannihilator dodged out of the way and up into the air. Super Chum followed him.

They traded blows mid-air. From their elevated position, Fannihilator could see how his comrades were faring: how Ant-Lupe’s ants were twisting up the legs of Yowl’s mech, how Kyle’s hands were alive with blue flame as he and Teen Spirit circled each other..

“Think fast!” Super Chum flicked him in the chest. With his superstrength, this little act knocked the wind out of Fannihilator. He gasped and wheezed, and then steeled himself. He couldn’t show weakness in front of Super Chum!

He darted forward and punched Super Chum in the nose, twice. His punches were predictably ineffective, but the spikes on his gloves dug into the superhero’s face, making him recoil. 

“Who’s weak now?” Fannihilator jeered in his ex-best friend’s face. “I’m smarter, stronger,  _ better,  _ than you’ll ever be!”

Super Chum lunged at him, and got him in a headlock. “You keep saying that, but do you actually believe it?”

Fannihilator wriggled out. “Yes! I love being a villain, and I love kicking your ass!”

“Fannihilator, we both know that you’re not evil.”

“YES I AM!” Fannihilator threw a punch at Super Chum, but the hero caught it.

“Are you?” Super Chum asked softly. For a moment, they just floated there– the villain’s punch held gently in the hero’s hand.

And then, “Don’t touch me!” Fannihilator exclaimed. He pulled his fist back too fast, and… 

Oh. Fannihilator stared at his ungloved hand. Super Chum was holding his glove. The hero must have just held on when he was pulling back, and… now his hand was out. “Oh. Oh no,” he said.

“Woah, hold on a second,” said Super Chum. “Easy, buddy. I can give it–”

And the Fannihilator saw red.

––––––––

When he came to, he found himself leaned up on someone’s lap, holding someone’s hand. He blinked, and looked up to see Kyle looking stalwartly ahead, with his flaming fist held high in the air. In the air, Super Chum was getting beaten up by Yowl in her mech, and… Teen Spirit? What?

His ungloved hand was balled into a fist, but his gloved hand was in the grasp of Ant-Lupe, who was kneeling on the concrete next to him. “Are you okay?”

“What happened?” he asked blearily. 

“You freaked out when your glove came off,” she explained.

“Why is Teen Spirit fighting your boss?”

“The Conjurer’s doing it.” Ant-Lupe did not sound as upset as she should have been, considering that her team was being beaten pretty wholeheartedly.

“I can control the dead,” Kyle explained. “Good to see you’re okay.”

“You wanna get up and start fighting again, or should we call it?” Ant-Lupe asked.

Fannihilator yawned. “I think I’m done. This was nice, but whatever I did while blacked out was tiring.”

Ant-Lupe whistled. “Yowl! Your boy says stop!”

Yowl gave one last punch and then turned. Super Chum fell to the ground. “Oh, Fannihilator, you’re okay!” she squeaked.

“Thanks for taking over,” he said. Ant-Lupe helped Fannihilator to his feet.

Kyle crooked two fingers of his on-fire hand, and Teen Spirit turned around and floated towards them, holding Fannihilator’s glove. She presented it to Fannihilator, who put it back on gratefully. 

Kyle snapped his fingers, and she shook her head, free of the control, and screamed a ghastly scream in Kyle’s face. He didn’t even blink. “Don’t be a sore loser.”

She floated back over and helped Super Chum up. He was a disheveled mess– Fannihilator wondered whether Yowl and Kyle had done some real damage. “I meant to give it back, Fan,” he said, reaching towards him. “It was an accident.”

“Don’t touch him, don’t talk to him,” Yowl said sharply. Her mech broke apart into the individual Scamperses, and she raced to put an arm around Fannihilator’s shoulders. “You’ve done enough already.”

Kyle copied her. “Yeah, leave him alone.”

“It was nice to see you, Lupe,” Yo finished, and the three supervillains walked off.

Nestled in between his friends, Fannihilator felt comforted– but he couldn’t shake the image of Super Chum, eyes ashamed, hand reached out in a silent “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!! Shit's starting to heat up! Leave a comment, leave a kudo! I'm on Tumblr @bluemandycat and on Instagram @amandathewerecat. Let me know if you like this fic!!


	8. The Capricious Covenant of the Fannihilator, the Conjurer, and Ant-Lupe!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fannihilator and Kyle take a break and go to the Frosty Mart, where they see some familiar faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to @omo-doodles on Tumblr, for doing this art inspired by Chapter 7! https://omo-doodles.tumblr.com/post/618120654540111872/i-had-more-plans-for-these-two-but-i-couldnt
> 
> Enjoy the chapter, folks! This one is honestly just wish fulfillment for me, but I hope y'all like it anyway!

“I’m going to kill everyone and then myself,” the Fannihilator declared. He leaned back from his atom-smashing gun, which was half-dismantled on the wooden floor.

“What is it this time?” Kyle asked. He was seated at the kitchen table, playing idly with a mouse skeleton. With one finger, he was reanimating it, and the little collection of bones followed the finger’s motions.

It had been a week since Kyle had moved in. He had brought a suitcase full of capes and several boxes full of magic books and esoterica. He was sleeping in Super Chum’s old bed, only a few feet apart from Fannihilator. And yet it felt nothing like living with Super Chum. Which was odd, right? Shouldn’t living with your best friend feel the same?

Whatever. He had all the time in the world to ponder that. Meanwhile, Kyle had totally made himself at home. A section of the living room had been designated as “Kyle’s study,” where the necromancer had set up a desk, stacked with books titled things like  _ Encyclopedia Tartarean  _ and  _ Graverobbing Etiquette.  _ A jar with a snake preserved in resin now was the centerpiece of the table. Even Kyle’s talking Necronomicon had moved in, and it and Dollar-nator were becoming fast friends.

It was an odd mish-mash of aesthetics, but Fannihilator couldn’t deny that the house felt fuller. Now that Kyle was here, he finally had a reason to sit down for dinner, instead of just eating while working.

“The anti-black hole matrix,” Fannihilator answered. “It keeps on activating when there’s no black holes to stabilize, and that eats up a lot of power.”

“Damn,” Kyle said. “I don’t know how to fix that.”

“Neither do I.”

“You wanna take a break?” Kyle grinned at him. “Go down to the Frosty Mart for a Frosty Freezy Freeze, like old times?”

Fannihilator considered it. “What time is it?”

Kyle glanced at the kitchen clock. “A little after five.”

“Sure, then.” Fannihilator got up from the ground.

Kyle waved his hand, and the mouse skeleton toppled over, animate no longer. “Why does the time matter?”

“When me and Super Chum first had our falling out, we came up with a schedule so we wouldn’t be at the Frosty Mart at the same time. We still stick to it.”

“Oh, do I need to put on my costume then?” Kyle asked, standing up from the table.

“Nah, it doesn’t really matter.” Fannihilator pulled on his hoodie. “Come on, let’s go.”

They took the stairs down from the water tower differently– Kyle bounded down the steps, while Fannihilator skated down the railing in his platform boots. They hit the sidewalk at about the same time.

They walked side-by-side, and after a bit, Kyle said, “Hey, I have something to ask you.”

“Shoot,” said Fannihilator.

“When we fought at the diner, you know how Super Chum ripped your glove off?” 

Super Chum hadn’t  _ exactly  _ ripped his glove off, but Fannihilator let it slide. “Sure.”

“You freaked out, and Yowl got  _ pissed.  _ Why?”

Fannihilator kept his gaze straight ahead. “Well, I have this nifty little thing called autism, and it causes me to have an aversion to certain textures. Because I like to avoid having a panic attack whenever I touch denim, I wear gloves. And I  _ never  _ take them off.”

“So it was like ripping off your shirt, then. A huge invasion of privacy.”

“Yup.”

They were silent, and then Kyle said, “I didn’t know you were autistic.”

“I don’t usually tell people. They tend not to take me seriously once they know,” Fannihilator said. “But Yowl knows. And so does Super Chum.”

“Oh,” Kyle said. “I’m sorry you can’t tell people.”

“Don’t be. Most people are too intimidated by me to notice that I’m different. Besides, I like the way my brain works. And with my gloves on, I can touch anything.” Fannihilator reached over and grabbed Kyle’s hand. “Like this.”

Their fingers interlocked, and Kyle didn’t pull away. Fannihilator smiled a secret smile. 

They approached the Frosty Mart, still holding hands. The doors slid open automatically. 

Boog was jamming buttons on an arcade machine in the corner. Lenny was sitting at the counter reading a magazine called  _ Better Lives and Livelihoods _ . He barely glanced up. “Hey, Fannihilator.”

“Hey, Lenny, how goes the job search?” Fannihilator asked.

“Same as always,” he said. “Praying I’ll leave this place, knowing I probably won’t.”

Boog turned away from the machine. “Fannihilator!” Fannihilator dropped Kyle’s hand. Boog charged at them, and Kyle took a step backward, shielding his face from the impending blow.

Fannihilator laughed as Boog swept him up in a bear hug. “Boog!”

“There’s my little buddy!” Boog crowed. Lenny rolled his eyes. 

Kyle lowered his hand from his face. “I’m sorry, what’s happening?”

Boog put Fannihilator back down on the ground, and they fist-bumped. “Boog, you remember Kyle, right?” said Fannihilator.

“Oh hell yeah, Wizboy!” said Boog. “Nice to see you back in town.”

“I am… so confused,” said Kyle.

“What do you mean?” asked Fannihilator.

“Last time I checked, you two hated each other.”

“Yeah, you’ve missed a bunch,” said Fannihilator. “Wanna tell him how we became cool, Boog?”

“When this supervillain was a little twerp, he got ditched by his little superhero friend,” Boog exclaimed. “So the kid said, ‘I’m gonna be evil now,’ right? An’ get this– his first crime was stealing my Chimp Chomp machine.”

“I used it to make Dollar-nator,” Fannihilator said.

“So I come to work an’ I find my Chimp Chomp machine gone, right? An’ I love that thing more than anything else, so I’m  _ pissed.  _ An’ it’s not too hard to figure out who took it, being that it’s now a walking, talking robot.”

“So he comes to bop me, and I’m  _ scared _ ,” continued Fannihilator. “Like shit-your-power-armor scared. But I was so done with life at that point that I said to myself, ‘Fuck it, I’ll go down fighting.’”

“He came at me with a shitty laser gun an’ balls of steel,” said Boog. “I’d never seen anything like it. An’ I got to thinking, an’ I realized that I totally would have done the same thing at his age. So we were cool.”

“You forgave him?” Kyle asked hesitantly. “I thought you were in love with your Chimp Chomp machine or something.”

“Eh, Dollar-nator’s his own Chimp Chomp machine now. And I’m in love with something else now.” Boog blew a kiss at Lenny, who groaned. “He loves me. ‘Sides, Fannihilator bought me a new machine.” He jerked a thumb back at the arcade machines. “But enough history. It’s been fucking forever. Where’ve you been?” 

“Kyle’s doing the supervillain thing with me and Yowl now,” Fannihilator explained. “He’s my roommate, too.”

“Hey, any supervillain in this town is a friend o’ mine,” said Boog. He grabbed Kyle and pulled him in for a bro-hug. “I’d be supervillaining too, but I gotta mortgage an’ a husband. That shit’s important.”

Kyle withdrew from the hug, looking a little shaken from the sudden familiarity. Fannihilator took over. “You holding, Boog?”

“Always.” Boog fished in his pocket and pulled out a baggie of weed. He tossed it, and Fannihilator caught it.

“How much?”

“Twenty-five?” Boog shrugged. “You get the friends and family discount, far as I’m concerned.”

As Fannihilator pulled out his wallet and handed the money over, Lenny snorted, “I can’t believe you’re a dealer who gives discounts.”

“I can’t believe you’re married to a dealer who gives discounts,” retorted Boog.

“Love you lots,” Lenny said, eyes returning to his magazine. Boog made a kissy sound.

The glass doors slid open, making a  _ ding!  _ sound. Fannihilator and Kyle both turned to look.

Ant-Lupe calmly walked into the convenience store. She was in casual clothes– a leather jacket studded with pins and patches, jeans, and combat boots. Fannihilator searched his pockets for a weapon, but came up empty.  _ Fuck. _

Kyle, luckily, was magic, and his hands ignited. Fannihilator stepped closer to him, so that he’d look more intimidating as he said, “What are you doing here?”

“Chill,” she said. “Put the fire away, or we’ll all be hotboxed in here.” She shot a look towards Boog. Fannihilator nodded at Kyle, who reluctantly extinguished himself.

“You  _ know  _ that it’s my designated time to be here,” said Fannihilator.

“Yeah,” she said. “That’s why I’m here.” She shrugged. “Well, plus Boog is also my dealer.” Boog tossed her a bag of weed, which she caught effortlessly. She tossed him a roll of money, which he fumbled.

“Please tell me that she doesn’t also get the friends and family discount, Boog,” Fannihilator said.

“She does.” Boog looked almost ashamed.

“Unbelievable.” Fannihilator shook his head.

“Listen, I’m here because I want to talk to you,” said Ant-Lupe. “So will you please call off your Conjurer? Jesus. That death stare is scary.”

“Of course it’s scary. I’m a necromancer,” said Kyle.

Fannihilator put his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “What is it?”

“I want to switch sides,” she said calmly, as if that was not a world-shaking statement. 

Fannihilator turned around. “I need to get a Frosty Freezy Freeze, because I am clearly hearing things from low blood sugar.” 

He walked over to the machine, and Ant-Lupe and Kyle followed him. “You’re not hearing things,” Ant-Lupe said. “I seriously want to switch sides.”

“Why? Why the hell would you want to switch sides?” Fannihilator asked, filling his cup up with Berry Pink. 

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Guess I’m ready for a change.”

Fannihilator shot Ant-Lupe a look. “You’ve put ten years into being a superhero. You’re having second thoughts  _ now _ ?” 

“She could be doing a double-agent thing,” suggested Kyle. Fannihilator moved aside and let him fill his own cup up with blue.

“I’m not, though,” she said. “Listen, ten years is a long time. I started being a superhero when I was twelve. I didn’t know shit at age twelve! But I made a decision that’s controlled my entire life since. And I’m kind of tired of always putting on a noble face. I want to be a supervillain.”

“Wow,” said Fannihilator. “That was a very heart-wrenching speech. Now tell me the real reason.” He turned and walked towards the counter.

“That is the reason!”

“Well, there’s something you’re hiding, then,” he shot back.

“Damn, you’re good,” Kyle said. Fannihilator put the two dollars down on the counter, and Lenny took them. 

“Fine,” said Ant-Lupe. “I mean what I said about wanting to be unhinged for a change, and I really am committed to being a supervillain, but the other reason is…”

“Is?” Fannihilator urged.

“Yowl,” she said simply.

“Yowl?” Kyle asked. “You’re going dark-side for  _ Yowl _ ?” 

Ant-Lupe shrugged. “Not just for her. For my mental health, too. I feel like I’m constantly performing for the world. I want to break free from all of that.”

Struck by her words, Fannihilator patted her on the arm. “Oh, Ant-Lupe, she’ll fuck you no matter what side you’re on.”

“Dude!” she exclaimed. “I just bared my soul to you, and  _ that’s  _ the response I get?”

“I’m bad at being vulnerable! What do you want?” Fannihilator exclaimed.

“For you to say, ‘Sure, Lupe, you’re on the team!’”

“What team? There’s no team!” 

“There sort of is a team,” said Kyle. “You and me and Yowl?”

“That’s not a team,” Fannihilator said. “Yowl is an occasional ally, and you wormed your way into my life.”

“Wow, you really do have commitment issues,” said Kyle.

“So I’m on the team?” Ant-Lupe said hopefully.

“Be a supervillain if you want.”

“That means ‘yes,’” Kyle told her. “Don’t worry, he said practically the same thing to me when I joined.”

“Oh, cool,” Ant-Lupe said, smiling at him.

“He really is quite sweet under all that armor,” Kyle said. “Oh, and I should apologize for killing your ants when I first met you.”

She waved her hand. “Water under the bridge. Ants reproduce super fast, anyway, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

“Oh, good!” Kyle said brightly. 

“Should we exchange phone numbers or something?” Fannihilator asked. He handed Ant-Lupe his phone, and she handed him hers. 

“I can’t believe that you’re letting her join just because she’s gay,” Lenny said, as they typed their phone numbers in.

“Isn’t that the most important part of being a supervillain?” Boog asked. 

“Boog gets me,” said Fannihilator. “C’mon, Kyle, we should get back to the Fanlair. I’ve got a good feeling about the atom-smashing gun.”

“Bye, Lupe,” Kyle said.

“Bye!” Fannihilator echoed. “I’ll let you know when there’s something to fight.”

“Cool,” she said. “Put in a good word for me with your girl, okay?”

“Trust me, Ant-Lupe,” Fannihilator assured her, “you don’t need me to help you.”

She smiled. “Even so.”

“Bye guys,” Boog said. “Check in soon!”

“Seriously,” said Lenny. “He gets worried.”

As Fannihilator and Kyle went through the double doors, the last thing they heard was Boog exclaim, “Lenny, don’t tell  _ him  _ that I get worried, or he’ll get weirded out! He has commitment issues!” 

Fannihilator laughed to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes:  
> 1\. This is my way of taking into account Ant-Lupe's team switch between "Heroes vs. Villains" and "Super Chums."  
> 2\. I just.....want Boog......to be an older brother to the boys......  
> 3\. Oops! Accidentally projected on Fannihilator there!
> 
> Thanks for reading!! Leave comments and kudos! I'm on Tumblr @bluemandycat, and Instagram @amandathewerecat, so if you make any art/memes relating to this fanfic, tag me!!


	9. The Unholy Union of the Fannihilator and the Conjurer!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a nice battle, the four supervillains spend some quality time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'd be remiss if I didn't showcase drawings that wonderful people have done for this fic:
> 
> omo-doodles on Tumblr's chapter 8 drawings: https://omo-doodles.tumblr.com/post/618236401588289536/more-quick-chapter-doodles-for-number-8-of  
> usernames_are_hardtocomeupwith on Instagram's drawings of Yowl: https://www.instagram.com/p/CARG3iWAojb/?igshid=16ducfhrftodo AND https://www.instagram.com/p/CAQugtuAcSE/?igshid=ii6tmr6vd6sn
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!!

Fannihilator pointed his missile launcher at Super Chum and fired. The red-and-white-striped rocket exploded square in the middle of his chest, sending the superhero careening backwards.

In front of him, Ant-Lupe sent a column of ants up at the immobilized superhero–

–only to have Sonic Boom burst in, and disperse her ants with a throaty  **_WAH_ ** –

–but he was quickly pushed away by Yowl, in her Scampers mech, grinning toothily–

–as Teen Spirit waved her pom poms, yelled, “Hi-yah!” and kicked the mech out of the way–

–and had her arms lock to her sides as she was forced to fly into the ground by Kyle the Conjurer, hand raised and alight–

–who was then tripped by Captain Obvious, who yelled, “I’m stealthy!” before running away–

–straight into Fannihilator, who knocked him over by elbowing him in the face.

It was a good battle.

–––––––

Ant-Lupe, Yowl, Kyle, and Fannihilator all collapsed through the front door of the Fanlair, laughing.

“Did you  _ see  _ Super-Chum’s face when you hit him with that rocket?” Yowl exclaimed gleefully. Her mech dissolved into the individual Scamperses, and she threw herself onto the couch. “Totally shocked. It was awesome.”

“Not as awesome as when you body-checked Sonic Boom into next week!” Kyle replied, falling over onto the rug on his stomach.

“But you taking control of Teen Spirit like that? Legendary!” said Fannihilator. He sat down next to Kyle. 

“That was amazing,” agreed Ant-Lupe, sitting on the couch next to Yowl.

Dollar-nator and Necronomicon rushed into the room. “How’d it go?” Dollar-nator asked.

“Really fun,” said Kyle.

“Excellent, my dear boy!” said Necronomicon, flying into Kyle’s chest in a hug. “I told you we had a knack for supervillainning!”

“And you were right about the  _ entomb  _ spell,” said Kyle, arms wrapped around the book. “Totally made the difference when I had to deal with Captain Obvious.”

“Fannihilator, how’d the rocket gun go?” Dollar-nator asked. 

Fannihilator tossed it over to him. “A few tweaks need to be made on the launching mechanism, but overall, it worked well!”

“Come on, guys, we should be fucking partying!” cheered Yowl. “Today was a blast! Don’t you have any vodka around here?”

“Jesus, I’m a stoner, not an alcoholic,” Fannihilator replied.

“Hell yeah, let’s smoke!” said Ant-Lupe.

“So no alcohol?” Yowl almost looked distraught.

“I have some gin,” said Kyle. Yowl made a face.

“You like  _ gin? _ Jesus, and I thought you were stereotypically British already.” Yowl stood up. “I am going to the liquor store, and Kyle is banned from coming. We’re gonna have ourselves a party!”

“I’ll start on dinner, then,” said Dollar-nator. “If you guys are getting blackout drunk, it’s better to do so on a full stomach.”

–––––––––––

Yowl came back from the liquor store with a 24-pack of cheap beer, a bottle of cotton-candy-flavored vodka, and a few cans of Mike’s Harder Lemonade. “Seriously,” she said, as the foursome clinked together their first shots of the night, “Don’t hold back. This is  _ not  _ the night for reservations. This is the night to go absolutely nuts.”

And true to her words, they all drank till everything seemed funny. Even after their full dinner, Yowl complained that she was still hungry, so the villains took a trip to the Frosty Mart for snacks. After an encounter with a  _ very  _ amused Boog (and a not-so-amused Lenny), they returned back to the Fanlair with pizza rolls, chips, and soda. Then, Fannihilator lit up a joint, and they sat down to watch an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

A few episodes later, Fannihilator was convinced he could replicate the robots in the show, and left the couch to dig through his toolbox. He had  _ almost  _ found his half-finished AI personality core when he was tapped on the shoulder. “Mmm?” he hummed, looking up.

“Come on.” Kyle held out a hand, which Fannihilator took. Kyle helped him to his feet. “We should leave them alone,” he said softly, with a nod towards the couch.

Fannihilator glanced over. Yowl and Ant-Lupe were sprawled over the couch. Ant-Lupe’s head was in Yowl’s lap, her curly hair flowing free from her tight bun. Yowl’s hands were buried in the curls, stroking and petting the other girl’s hair. They were looking moonily at each other.

“Oh,” Fannihilator said. “Yeah.”

“Let’s get out of here,” said Kyle, shifting back and forth on his feet.

“The tree?” Fannihilator suggested.

“Sure.”

––––––

They grabbed what was left of the 24-pack of beer and flew off to the hill with the tree by the nuclear power plant. Once they had entered the zone aerially (as to avoid the stun gun) and gotten comfortable, they clinked their beer cans together.

“This is the life, isn’t it?” Fannihilator said. “We’re supervillains, we’re kicking ass, and we’re together.”

“I honestly never thought I’d be where I am now,” Kyle replied.

“No regrets, though, right?”

“About being a supervillain? Never.”

The pair looked up at the stars in silence for a moment. “I sometimes do, though,” Fannihilator said, breaking the silence. “Have regrets.”

“About being a supervillain?” Kyle snorted. “You?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Why?”

Fannihilator looked at his gloves. “I know it doesn’t look like it, but I’m holding back. I’m not fighting as hard as I could be.”

“Why?” Kyle repeated.

“When I was first starting out, I was so mad and sick and lonely, that I decided I wasn’t going to limit myself. Super Chum had already abandoned me– I had nothing left to lose. I built a laser gun and went at him with all the strength I had.”

“And?”

“And I won. Hands-down. It wasn’t even a contest.” This memory was still so hard to recount. Fannihilator forced himself to keep speaking. “I beat him so badly that he ended up in the hospital. I hadn’t even known that was possible. I thought he was invulnerable. But visiting him in the hospital, seeing him covered in burns… that was too much for me. I thought I had lost it all, but sitting in that hospital room, I realized I was still human.”

Fannihilator blinked tears out of his eyes. “Super–  _ Chum Chum  _ doesn’t remember me being there. He was unconscious throughout most of his recovery. When he finally recovered, I started throwing our fights, losing on purpose.”

“You still… like him?” Kyle asked.

“I hate him– I  _ hate  _ that he left me, but I can’t see him get hurt.” Fannihilator laughed bitterly. “Isn’t that stupid? Isn’t that  _ weak  _ of me?”

Kyle put down his can. “I thought you loved being a supervillain.” 

“I do. I still do.” Fannihilator set his can down and flipped over onto his stomach. “But I’m not a real supervillain. A real supervillain wouldn’t have a conscience. A real supervillain wouldn’t be lonely. A real supervillain wouldn’t  _ miss him.” _

And there it was, out in the open. His darkest secret. Fannihilator’s stomach lurched, but he made eye contact with Kyle. He would not back down from this truth.

Kyle’s lips parted. “Are you still lonely?”

“Not with you.” And that was the truth too. Fannihilator rolled over so that his chin was in Kyle’s lap, and he was looking up at Kyle. “Thank you.”

Kyle leaned down, put his hands on Fannihilator’s face, and kissed him.

It was something that Fannihilator hadn’t even realized he was craving. He felt as if some deep, starving part of himself had finally been sated, as he kissed Kyle back. 

Kyle pulled away. “Sorry, I didn’t know if–”

Fannihilator sat up and kissed him again. “It’s okay,” he said. “It’s okay.” Then they were kissing again.

As they made out, Fannihilator let his hands tangle in Kyle’s red hair. Kyle’s hands stroked his face, tracing little circles into his cheeks. They fell apart, both breathing heavily, Fannihilator spread out across Kyle’s lap.

“Good?” Fannihilator asked.

“Good,” Kyle confirmed. “Beyond good, with you.”

Fannihilator smiled, and they just sat like that for a while, looking into each other’s eyes.

“Hey,” Fannihilator broke the silence.

“Hey.”

“I love you.”

That was also the truth, but Kyle jolted like he’d been stung. His smile slipped from his face.

“Kyle?” Fannihilator asked. Kyle pushed him off his lap silently. Fannihilator sat up. “I’m sorry. Did I go too far?”

“You can’t love me,” Kyle said.

“I can’t?”

“You  _ shouldn’t.”  _

“I think I do, though.”

_ “No!”  _ Kyle practically shrieked.

“Kyle, I’m sorry,” Fannihilator tentatively put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

The necromancer was silent. “Why don’t you ever ask questions?”

“Huh?”

“About why I’m here. About what I did in England.”

“I thought you didn’t want me to ask about that. I figured that the past is the past.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Kyle said sadly. 

“I know that you’re a necromancer,” said Fannihilator. “I know that you like British breakfasts and capes with tall collars. I know that you’re powerful. I know that you can call me Fanboy anytime you want.”

“You only love the parts of me that I’ve chosen to show you. If you saw all of me, you’d be horrified.”

“I promise I wouldn’t be.”

“I know you too, Fannihilator,” said Kyle. “And trust me when I tell you that if I showed you my full self, if I told you who I really was, you’d hate me. You’d never talk to me again. And that can’t happen, because I need you too much.”

“You can tell me anything, Kyle. I promise I won’t leave you.”

Kyle stood up. “I want to go back to the Fanlair.”

“I just want to help you stop hurting.”

“Please, can we go back to the Fanlair?”

Fannihilator stood up. “Okay.”

As they flew back, Fannihilator wondered whether he’d blown it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up! Only a couple more chapters left! Stay tuned!


	10. The Ruthless Reconciliation of the Fannihilator and Super Chum!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle and Fannihilator deal with the aftermath of their kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 chapters? Wow, we're deep in, huh? Thanks for sticking with this story for so long!
> 
> Ch 9 drawing by omo-doodles: https://omo-doodles.tumblr.com/post/618413283950624769/so-this-came-out-better-than-intended-the-digital

Kyle and Fannihilator were still not talking about it. 

The memory of the kiss– and the sudden rejection– hovered over the Fanlair like an alien spacecraft. Both Kyle and Fannihilator were so determined not to “make it weird” between them that they were walking on eggshells around each other. Which, of course, looped back around and made it weird between them.

Yowl, Ant-Lupe, Dollar-nator, and Necronomicon seemed to have made a pact that they would stay out of it. Yowl and Ant-Lupe, he could understand– the two women had just made their own relationship official, and he didn’t blame them for wanting to stay out of his and Kyle’s drama. Dollar-nator and Necronomicon, though? Fannihilator had no idea. 

Whatever the reason was, though, they stayed out of the way. Which left Fannihilator and Kyle to sort out their shit on their own, a quest neither of them wanted to embark upon.

They were hanging out in the living room when the subject was brought up. Kyle was sitting at his desk, thumbing through one of his books. Fannihilator was on his knees, hot-gluing plating onto his device designed to intercept transmissions from the Jungle Gym of Justice. 

“So have we just decided to ignore it?” Kyle said, not looking up from his book. 

“Ignore what?” Fannihilator said.

“The tension between us?”

“ _ What  _ tension?”

“Fannihilator, please,” Kyle said. “Don’t play dumb.”

“I’m not playing dumb– I really am dumb.”

“Factually untrue. Anyway, you know what I’m talking about.”

“Fine.” Fannihilator’s hands stilled. “But why do you want to talk about it? I thought we weren’t going to acknowledge it.”

“It’s healthier if we talk about it.”

Fannihilator snorted. “ _ Healthy.  _ Right. That’s what Team Villain has always been.”

_ “Fannihilator.”  _ There was no room in Kyle's tone for argument.

“Fine.” Fannihilator put the hot glue gun down. “You rejected me. What else is there to say?”

“I didn’t reject you.”

“It sure felt that way.”

“I kissed you back.” Kyle turned around in his chair. “I liked kissing you.”

“I liked kissing you too!” exclaimed Fannihilator. “So what’s the problem?”

“You know what the problem is.”

“Look.” Fannihilator sighed. “I’m sorry that I said that I loved you. It was obviously too far.”

“You just… know nothing about me,” Kyle huffily.

“Are you mad at me for not being curious enough?”

“No!” Kyle snapped. After a moment, he said, “Maybe.”

“I’m sorry I’m not Sherlock Holmes! I don’t want to sleuth out all your problems. If you have something to tell me, just tell me.”

“I don’t want to scare you, Fanboy!” Kyle yelled.

For once, the sound of his old name didn’t make him flinch. He stood up. “You won’t! I’ve been on my own since I was twelve! I’ve created devices that could rip apart the universe! I’ve set my own bones, and I’ve stomped on the hearts of everyone who was ever nice to me! Nothing scares me anymore! Tell me what you did, Kyle!”

Kyle hesitated. “Well, I–”

The door opened. Ant-Lupe and Yowl entered, holding hands, and Kyle closed his mouth. “Oh, are we interrupting something?” Yowl asked.

“It’s fine,” said Kyle.

“Are you sure?” said Ant-Lupe.

“Whatever,” Fannihilator grumbled.

“Do you wanna go out and wreak some havoc?” Yowl asked. 

Kyle looked down at the ground, but Fannihilator grabbed his transmission device. “A fight is exactly what I need right now, Yowl.”

She let go of Ant-Lupe and clapped her hands together excitedly. “Anything in mind?”

“Let’s go plant this at the Jungle Gym of Justice,” Fannihilator declared. “Let’s strike fear into their hearts! Let’s remind them that their hideout is not safe!”

“Give us ten minutes to change into our costumes,” Ant-Lupe said. Yowl nodded excitedly. Kyle started collecting his stuff, but he did not look Fannihilator in the eye.

––––––––

Twenty minutes after the attempt to break into the Jungle Gym of Justice, stealth had been abandoned. The supervillains had been spotted at pretty much the exact moment that they had broken in.

Now, the transmission device was in pieces on the floor, and a battle raged. Their fight had moved itself outside of the superheroes’ hideout, so now Kyle and Teen Spirit were in the air, trading ghostly attacks. Ant-Lupe was grappling with Sonic Boom, while Yowl fought with Captain Obvious (which wasn’t even  _ remotely  _ fair).

And, as always, it was the Fannihilator versus Super Chum. Fannihilator had on a pair of electricity gloves, so the two traded punches in the air. Hurting each other without truly  _ hurting  _ each other.

“When will you give up, Fannihilator?” Super Chum growled. 

“Never!” Fannihilator shrieked back, striking the hero in the jaw.

Super Chum shook it off. “You’re not as evil as you pretend to be!”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Fannihilator yelled without thinking.

The yelled response clearly took Super Chum by surprise. “Woah, woah,” said the hero. “Time out.  _ What? _ ”

Fannihilator floated backwards. “Nothing.”

“No, no, not nothing,” said Super Chum. “You know you’re not evil?”

“I am evil!” Fannihilator asserted.

“You just said–”

“I am evil!” he repeated. “I’m the most evil person in the universe. I was always evil! You just never saw that when we were friends!”

“Fannihilator–”

“I missed you when you left, okay? You got superpowers and moved out and  _ you left me all alone. _ You only remembered that I existed when I became a threat. That’s why I have to be evil!”

Super Chum’s face softened. He reached a hand out. “Fanboy–”

Fannihilator jerked back. “That’s  _ not  _ my name.”

“Fannihilator, I had no idea.”

“You had no idea, huh?” Hearing Fannihilator’s angry tone, the others paused their fights to observe. “Cause I feel like maybe, possibly, abandoning your best friend might cause him to be a little bit fucking upset! I feel like that’s not unreasonable to assume!”

“Wait, I’m confused,” said Super Chum. “Do you hate me or not? Are you a villain or not?”

Fannihilator could control himself no longer. “You were my best friend,  _ Chum Chum!  _ I loved you! I still love you! I’m a villain because you made me this way!” He hid his face in his elbow so that the superhero wouldn’t see the tears welling up.

“Fannihilator… I’m sorry,” said Super Chum. “I was a kid. I was so focused on myself that I never remembered to look back. I neglected our friendship. That was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

Fannihilator looked up. “What?”

“I love you too, buddy. I miss you. And I don’t know if we can ever repair what we had, but I want to try. You matter to me, and… I thought you wouldn’t ever forgive me, so I never apologized. I’m sorry.” Tears streamed down the hero’s face. “Villain or not, you’re still my best friend.”

“You don’t care that I’m a villain? Really?” Fannihilator couldn’t believe his ears.

“I want to fix this between us. Please, let’s fix this.”

It was all Fannihilator had ever wanted to hear. “Okay. Let’s fix us. Let’s try.”

There was an explosion below them.

The heroes and villains all turned towards the noise, which was accompanied by a glittery green puff of smoke. As it cleared, it revealed a silhouette of a man wearing a sharp coat. 

Fannihilator and Super Chum drifted down to the ground to get a better look. Kyle and Teen Spirit followed them, and the others gathered around. The smoke cleared, and Fannihilator saw Kyle’s eyes widen. “Sigmund?” the wizard said in disbelief.

Sigmund the Sorcerer looked around. “Where am I? Am I..” After his eyes scanned them all, he jumped up in the air, making everyone take a step back. “Yes! I finally made it!”

“What?” Yowl said from her mech.

“Zis is Galaxy Hills, right?”

“Right,” said Ant-Lupe.

“And you guys  _ are  _ ze superheroes and villains of zis town, right?”

“Uh, right?” Super Chum confirmed.

“Great! Thank you for your cooperation!” Sigmund reached into his pocket and pulled out a badge. “Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason, you’re under arrest for five counts of necromancy.” 

Everyone took a step back from Kyle, who looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “There must be some mistake,” said Fannihilator. “Necromancy isn’t illegal.”

“Uh, don’t you know  _ anything _ ?” Sigmund said. “Wizards aren’t allowed to practice necromancy.”

“No, but that’s impossible. Kyle is one of the top practicing necromancers in England.”

“Yeah,” said Sigmund. “We’ve been tracking him at Scotland Yard for years.”

“But… this is America. We’re supervillains. It’s not illegal here. At least, I don’t think so,” said Yowl.

“I’m sorry, but legally Kyle is still a citizen of England,” Sigmund said sympathetically. Fannihilator couldn’t tell how much of that sympathy was feigned. “And his crimes were committed on English soil. Besides, necromancy is morally horrifying.”

“Is not!” Fannihilator exclaimed.

“By definition, it’s the desecration of corpses. Or spirits.”

“Thank you!” Teen Spirit yelled.

“And zat’s at its tamest. At its worst? It’s murder, torture. It’s inhumane,” said Sigmund. “Isn’t zat right, Kyle?”

Kyle was silent. “I don’t understand!” Fannihilator exclaimed. “Kyle hasn’t done anything wrong!”

“You really haven’t told them?” Sigmund said, with a trace of amusement in his voice. “Aren’t zese your friends, Kyle? Have you not been honest with zem? Zey are  _ villains _ , after all. Zeir standards cannot be zat high.”

“I haven’t told them,” Kyle said quietly, looking down at his feet. “I didn’t want them to hate me.” 

“Tell us what?” Yowl asked. Everyone turned to look at the necromancer. Fannihilator reached a hand out.

“Kyle, what did you do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! We've got one more chapter left, and maybe an epilogue if there's a high enough demand!
> 
> Comment! Let me know how I'm doing!! Or hit me up @bluemandycat on tumblr, @amandathewerecat on instagram! And if you make art of this fic, make sure to tag me!!


	11. The Fannihilator vs. the Conjurer!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fannihilator finds out what Kyle has done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the last chapter, guys! It took an extra day but it's also double the length, so, y'know. Sacrifices. 
> 
> Pretty nervous publishing this chapter, actually! I have a feeling it might be kind of divisive, but who knows?
> 
> Ch 10 drawings by omo-doodles: https://omo-doodles.tumblr.com/post/618584937566699520/chapter-ten-doodles-ft-my-tears-yall
> 
> Enjoy!

“What did you do?” Fannihilator repeated.

“I…” Kyle took a shaky breath. “I was just a kid when it started.” Although they were surrounded by people, Fannihilator felt like Kyle was speaking just to him. 

“When _what_ started?”

“My parents died.”

“I didn’t know you had parents,” said Fannihilator.

Kyle shrugged. “They didn’t come with me to the states. They were researchers in the school of evocation.”

“I’ve never heard of that school,” said Super Chum. “Is that a university or something?”

“It’s a type of magic,” Kyle corrected. “Creation of something out of nothing. They were studying the source of that magic– what are you creating lightning from when you cast lightning bolt, to be specific– when I was on summer break. Something went wrong in their studies, and they were both electrocuted. I was thirteen years old, and I was desperate. With the help of Necronomicon, I reanimated them.”

“And did they come back horribly wrong?” asked Yowl.

“What? No,” Kyle scowled. “They were my parents. A little off, but still my parents. I kept them reanimated until I had to go back to school. When I left, I buried them in the yard, and told nobody.”

“Not even your best friend,” said Sigmund, crossing his arms.

Kyle accepted this with a shrug. “They were researchers– naturally reclusive. Nobody really asked questions. When I came back the next winter, I reanimated them again. And when I had to go back to school, I buried them. I kept this up for years. Every time I resurrected them, they were a little less human, a little more decayed. Eventually, it got to the point that I couldn’t stand to be in the house with them.” He cleared his throat.

“So did you leave?” asked Fannihilator.

“No.” A small, bitter smile played at Kyle’s lips. “I killed them. Hacked them into pieces so that I wouldn’t feel tempted to resurrect them again. Hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Oh,” said Fannihilator. He didn’t know what else to say.

“After that, I decided to get better at necromancy. My thinking was that maybe, if I got better, I could reanimate people permanently. That way, I’d never lose a loved one again.”

“He was doing all zese unethical experiments when I caught him,” Sigmund interrupted him. “Keeping reanimated mice and bugs, digging up dead pets, experimenting with tissue samples. It was gross.”

“So _tattle-tale_ over here went to the headmaster and got me kicked out,” Kyle said with a jerk of his head. “I wasn’t arrested because I wasn’t officially doing necromancy, but even flirting with the concept was fit for expulsion.”

“You should have taken that as a warning!” Sigmund snapped.

“I took that as a challenge!” Kyle snapped back. “It made me strong!” He focused his attention back on Fannihilator. “I started independent study after that. I got bolder– I really had nothing left to lose anymore.” He pulled his skull mask off his face and just held it. “I travelled around Europe for a bit, practicing on the recently dead. Was that unethical? Of course. But my studies gave people a little more time with their loved ones. Of course, I had to keep moving around, to avoid the cops, and whenever I left someplace, those that I had reanimated would go back to being dead. That was always very upsetting. I left places feeling that I’d failed.”

“So why’d you come here?” asked Fannihilator.

“He got caught,” answered Sigmund.

Kyle sighed. “Yup.”

“How?” Ant-Lupe asked.

“Three months ago, I attempted to raise three bodies at once. I’m not going to mince words on this one– I fucked up the spell. They became mindless zombies that I couldn’t control, and they basically devastated the population of a small town in South West England. One hundred-odd people were murdered because of me. The wizard cops came to clean up my fuck-up, and Sigmund was among them. He recognized me, and the cops did a background check and found out about my parents. I knew I’d be charged, so… I fled to America. To the place I had spent some of my childhood.”

“And became a supervillain,” Fannihilator said hollowly.

“It was so simple,” said Kyle. “Here, as a supervillain, I never needed to talk about my history. You guys didn’t care that I was a necromancer– you didn’t know that that was wrong. You didn’t know I was a mass-murderer. I settled in here, and although I just wanted a place to hide at first… I don’t know. I guess I caught feelings.” He caught Fannihilator’s eye for a fraction of a second.

“I tried to turn over a new leaf. I swore off the darker necromancy spells in our battles, and only used minor necromancy and some evocation magic I picked up from my parents. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt because I fucked up ever again. I didn’t need the necromancy, anyway. I… I wasn’t alone anymore.” He smiled at Yowl, Ant-Lupe, and Fannihilator in turn, and then his face fell.

“But my past has caught up with me, and I guess I have to deal with this now. I’m sorry, guys,” he finished.

Fannihilator started, “Kyle, it’s–”

“Okay?” Kyle interrupted. “It’s not okay. I can see it in your eyes. I don’t blame you for being scared.” He smiled grimly. “What was it I said to you? If I showed you my full self, you’d hate me?”

“Okay, it’s time to go, Kyle,” said Sigmund impatiently.

“What, back to England? Where I’ll be found guilty and sentenced to be burned at the stake?” Kyle twirled his skull mask in his hand. “Is that the right end for me? I’m the big bad necromancer, the evil supervillain, aren’t I? I’ve driven away or killed anyone I ever cared about. All I have left is my magic. Don’t I deserve to go down fighting?”

“Kyle, don’t be stupid,” Sigmund said, but there was a trace of fear in his voice.

Kyle blinked once, twice, and looked up at the sky. “I’m sorry,” he said, more to himself than anyone else. “I’ve destroyed everything. There’s no reason to hold back anymore.”

His skull mask fluttered to the ground. “Get back!” Sigmund yelled. Everyone complied quickly.

Ant-Lupe raised a fist, and her ants coalesced to form a dome around Kyle. Thirty seconds later, there was a loud **_BOOM!_ **The dome crumbled, tens of thousands of ants dead. From the mound of corpses floated Kyle. His tie whipped in the wind, and his eyes were fully black. Tiny cracks of that black spread out from his eyes, creating rifts in his face. Visible necrotic energy swirled around him.

“He’s lost control of his power,” said Super Chum.

“Oh, yeah, no shit,” said Sigmund. Kyle raised his hands, and began floating down the street. 

“He lost control on purpose. He thinks he’s alone. He wants to die,” said Yowl. 

“We have to save him,” said Fannihilator. 

“Are you _nuts_?” Sigmund exclaimed. 

“We have to remind him that he’s not alone. Right now, he’s feeling scared and guilty and irredeemable. And he did something bad, sure, but I’m not giving up on him. He’s a part of our family. We have to try to save him. Who’s with me?”

Ant-Lupe smiled. “You’re right. He’s a supervillain, and we protect our own.”

“Besides, a little murder is okay!” Yowl piped up. 

“That is _not_ the lesson I wanted you to take away from my speech, but okay. We’ll talk about that after Kyle is safe,” said Fannihilator. 

“You guys are fucking crazy,” said Sigmund, shaking his head. “He’s an out-of-control necromancer. If you get too close, you’ll die.”

An idea began to dawn. “Maybe there’s a way around that. I have an idea, but it will take everybody.”

“We’re on your side,” said Super Chum. Everyone else nodded, and Fannihilator smiled.

“Good,” he said. “Sigmund, you’ve taken down out-of-control wizards before, I assume. What’s the protocol?”  
  


“Usually, it takes about twenty powerful wizards, all firing stunning spells. Which is something we don’t have,” Sigmund supplied.

“We might have something else,” said Fannihilator. “Super Chum, Sonic Boom, Captain Obvious– I need you guys to run ahead of Kyle and get the civilians out of the way. If what Sigmund is saying is true– and I don’t doubt him– anyone who gets within a certain range of Kyle will die. You guys are superheroes, so people will trust you. Evacuate the town.”

Fannihilator turned his attention to the villains. “Ant-Lupe, Yowl, Teen Spirit– you guys are going to try to redirect Kyle. Each of your powers enables you to influence him without getting hurt– Ant-Lupe can surround him with ants, Yowl can use the Scamperses to get close, and Teen Spirit is already dead. Herd him towards the hill with the tree on it by the nuclear power plant. Nobody ever goes there.”

“Sigmund, you’re with me. We’re gonna try to fly as close as possible. I’ll carry you, so all of your energy can go towards firing off those stunning spells. We need to weaken him as much as possible before we get to the hill with the tree.”

“Why?” Sigmund asked.

“You’ll see. Come on, we better catch up with them,” said Fannihilator.

Super Chum picked up Captain Obvious, and, with Sonic Boom, raced on ahead. Yowl’s mech dissolved into the individual Scampers, and she climbed into Ant-Lupe’s arms. Teen Spirit shook her pom poms, and the three girls took off into the air.

Fannihilator turned to Sigmund. “Ready?”

“Americans are so fucking dumb,” Sigmund muttered, but he climbed into Fannihilator’s arms anyway, and they took off.

Kyle was floating down the street. As he slowly moved forward, the trees on either side of the street wilted, died, and crumbled into dust, which got swept into his orbit. 

Fannihilator flew up so that they were positioned at the rear of the group. He supported Sigmund’s legs in his arms, and the sorcerer balanced his hand on Fannihilator’s shoulder as he fired off the first spell. It hit Kyle square in the back, but he did not turn around. 

On one side of Kyle was Ant-Lupe. She held Yowl in one arm, and was using the other hand to create a forcefield of ants to shield herself. The ants died as quickly as they were summoned, but more came to replace them.

On the other side was Teen Spirit, who kept on darting forward to strike Kyle before retreating. It looked like she was exacting some revenge for the way he had taken control of her. He buckled inwards every time that he was hit, but seemed to always bounce back like nothing had happened.

Below him were the Scamperses, keeping pace on the street. Every so often, one would jump up and snap at his ankles. It was always swiftly kicked away, but another would replace it.

Fannihilator adjusted his grip on Sigmund as the sorcerer fired off another spell. This one missed by a wide margin. “Can you be a little more accurate?” Fannihilator shouted over the din of battle.

“I don’t know, can you fly a little straighter?” Sigmund shouted back. He took aim again.

In front of Kyle were the three superheroes, who were doing an admirable job of getting people out of the way. Super Chum was using his superspeed to pick people up and get them out of the way, while Sonic Boom used his supervoice to push them back. Captain Obvious, whose power was actually helpful for the first time ever, kept yelling, “THAT’S DANGEROUS!” while pointing up at the floating Kyle. Their combined efforts seemed to be working, and the road up to the nuclear power plant remained clear.

Slowly but surely, they drove Kyle to the base of the hill. Thanks to Sigmund’s stunning spells, and the combined efforts of Yowl, Ant-Lupe, and Teen Spirit, the energy swirling around Kyle had decreased significantly. However, the rifts of black energy across his face had extended and deepened.

“Drive him up the hill!” Fannihilator yelled. “But stop when you get halfway up!”

“Got it!” yelled back Super Chum. Yowl shot him a thumbs up.

“Why?” Teen Spirit shouted.

“You’ll see!”

“Real reassuring!”

“I like her,” said Sigmund, into Fannihilator’s ear.

“Of course you do,” Fannihilator replied.

Super Chum floated backwards up the hill, waving his arms in a “come get me” motion. Kyle took the bait, propelling himself forward. The superhero stopped at the halfway point up the hill, and for a moment Fannihilator feared that Kyle would stop too. But no, there were the Scamperses pushing him forward, and Teen Spirit, who delivered a high kick to the small of his back, sending him farther up the hill. One final stun spell from Sigmund, delivered straight to Kyle’s shoulders, was enough to propel him to the top of the hill.

Fannihilator touched down at the halfway point, where everyone was gathered, and set Sigmund down. “I don’t get it,” said Ant-Lupe. “What are we waiting for?”

Fannihilator replied, “In three, two–”

Before he could say “one,” the stun gun mounted in the branches of the tree detected Kyle’s presence at the top of the hill, and fired. Kyle screamed as 50,000 volts of electricity coursed through his body.

“What the fuck?” Teen Spirit said.

Fannihilator shrugged. “I like my privacy.”

Kyle pushed forward through the field of electricity, even though it was clearly painful for him. Fannihilator felt a stab of guilt at that, but the stun gun was sapping Kyle’s energy. The necromancer struggled against the electricity…

And then suddenly, there was a loud **_POP!_ **as the stun gun shorted out. Kyle broke through the field of electricity and slammed up against the tree trunk.

“Now’s my chance!” said Fannihilator. He prepared to run up the hill, but Super Chum caught him by the hand.

“Fanboy, you can’t!” 

“This is my only chance to save him!” Fannihilator shouted back.

“If you get too close, you’ll die!” the superhero exclaimed. “I can’t lose you again!”

Fannihilator pulled his hand free and embraced his friend. “I love you too, buddy,” he said into Super Chum’s shoulder. “But you have to let me do this.”

Super Chum rested his teary face on his shoulder. “I know.” He released Fannihilator. “Villains always survive to fight another day, right?”

Fannihilator gave one last smile. “Hopefully.” And then he was running up the hill.

He reached the crest. Kyle was shakily getting back up to his feet. Before he could reconsider, Fannihilator hurled himself at Kyle.

His heart began beating faster, although whether that was the adrenaline or Kyle’s magic, he didn’t know. He grabbed the necromancer’s hands.

“Kyle, I don’t know if you can hear me, but there’s something I need to tell you. You have to fight this.”

Kyle looked up at him, his back up against the tree. His mouth was twisted into a grimace of pain. The dark rifts webbed out to cover his entire face.

“It feels like you’re alone right now, and I get that. I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I was alone. But the thing is, you made me realize that we’re not alone! We’re surrounded by people that care about us so much that they’d risk their lives.”

Kyle shook his head, but his eyes stayed dark.

“Fight it!” Fannihilator encouraged. “Don’t you remember how we met here? How we kissed here? Being here with you changed my life, Kyle. I know you feel the same.”

Dark energy began to pick up and swirl around Kyle again, and Fannihilator found it harder and harder to take a breath. Kyle was recovering. “I love you!” Fannihilator exclaimed. Kyle yelled out in pain.

“I love you!” Fannihilator repeated. “I love every part of you!” 

The places that Kyle was touching the tree started to smoke and go grey. “I love this part of you! I love the vilest, evilest parts of you! I love the parts of you that you’re scared of!”

Greyness spread out over the trunk of the tree, and it began to crumble into dust that was swept away into Kyle’s vortex. Fannihilator was gasping for breath, but he put his hands on Kyle’s cheeks. “There is so much for you to keep fighting for! Don’t give up on yourself! Stay with me!”

The last part of the tree crumbled into dust, and with his final breath, Fannihilator said, “Because I know you love me too.”

And, as the world went dark, he heard Kyle gasp, and say, “Fanboy!”

–––––––––

“Fannihilator! Wake up!”

He was being shaken. He cracked open an eye.

And there was Kyle, his red hair a mess, dark rifts still webbing across his face. But his eyes were clear and full of worry. “Fannihilator!”

“Toby,” Fannihilator said weakly. “My real name is Toby.”

Kyle stopped shaking him. “What?”

“Figured that, at this point, you deserved to know,” Fannhilator joked weakly.

Kyle’s shoulders relaxed. “Oh my god,” he laughed, and then they were kissing.

As they kissed, Fannihilator heard the sound of the others bounding up the hill. “Fannihilator!” he heard Super Chum exclaim.

He and Kyle broke apart, their noses bumping together. “I’m okay!” he yelled.

Yowl ran forward and pulled them both to their feet and into a tight hug. “I thought I’d lost you guys!” she said. Fannihilator was astonished to hear real emotion in her voice.

“Me too,” said Ant-Lupe, joining the hug.

“Me three,” said Super Chum.

Fannihilator laughed. “Come on, everyone get in here.” Everyone crowded in for a group hug, even Teen Spirit.

Well, almost everyone. Sigmund cleared his throat. “Can we deal with ze legal aspect now, please?”

The hug broke apart, and Kyle faced Sigmund. “Yeah. Sure.”

Sigmund rubbed his temples. “So obviously, you just broke many, many laws. And caused a lot of collateral damage.”

Kyle stepped forward and held his wrists out. “I understand. I’ll… cooperate.”

“But… you didn’t hurt anyone. And you used to be my friend.” A small smile played at the edge of Sigmund’s mouth, and he gently pushed Kyle’s wrists away. “I zhink zat maybe I can pull some strings at Scotland Yard and get you exiled.”

“Really?” Kyle exclaimed.

“Now, it’s not a reward,” Sigmund said. “You would be forbidden from coming back to ze British wizarding community. You’d have to stay with ze supers of America for ze rest of your life.”

Kyle threw his arms around the other sorcerer. “Thank you.”

Sigmund looked surprised for a moment, and then his arms wrapped around to squeeze Kyle in a hug. “Maybe someday we can be friends again.”

Kyle let go of Sigmund and turned to look at the pile of necrotic dust where the tree had been. “I’m sorry I destroyed our tree,” he said.

Fannihilator grabbed his hand. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “We’re supervillains. We’ll rebuild.”

They stood there together, and for the first time in years, the future looked bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming on this journey with me! Gotta say, not ready for this to be over, but also don't want to drag out the story, you know? That being said, if enough people want it, I will write an epilogue (I already have some idea of what I want to do ;) ).
> 
> If you liked this, read Archvillain by Barry Lyga. It was a huge inspiration for this, and my supervillain protagonist fiction in general! (It’s also my special interest, and I’ll probably hug you if you tell me you read it.)
> 
> Leave a comment telling me your reactions to the story as a whole! And if you make any memes/art for this fic, make sure to tag me in them, @bluemandycat on tumblr and @amandathewerecat on instagram!


	12. The Evil Epilogue of the Fannihilator and the Conjurer!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A special day for the heroes and villains, years later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I don't know if anyone's still into this fic, but here's an epilogue!
> 
> It took me a little while to write this, since I just finished my original middle grade novel, Agent Purple! It'd mean a lot to me if you kept an eye out for that!
> 
> As always, thank you to @omo-doodles for the lovely sketches– too many to name. And thank you to all the artists who have made art for this fic! I have them all saved because I love them so much!
> 
> Enjoy!

“Fuck!” Fannihilator shouted, as he tripped over his own cape and onto the rough floor of the Fanlair. 

Super Chum reached out a hand and helped him up. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Fannihilator said, brushing him off. “You superheroes are always trying to make sure everyone’s okay.”

“Well, _excuse me_ for helping,” Super Chum said snottily, before breaking out into laughter. Fannihilator laughed too. It was nice that they were able to joke like this now. Super Chum was a part of him, and although their rekindled friendship was different than it had been before, it wasn’t _bad_ different. 

“But seriously, did I fuck myself up?” Fannihilator spread his arms. He and Yowl had settled on something between a suit and a dress. The light purple fabric stopped at the base of the bodice and curved out into a long train, showing off tailored green pants. He wore his normal spiked cape over that, with matching opera gloves.

Super Chum gave him a once-over. “All clear.”

“Good,” Fannihilator replied. “Yowl will kill me otherwise.” The supervillainess had spent months making these outfits, as a special gift. She would be _pissed_ if anything happened to her handiwork– Fannihilator’s health was an afterthought. 

“She still scares me,” Super Chum commented. “Can you believe we dated?”

“She’s too good for you,” said Fannihilator. 

Super Chum rolled his eyes at him. “I don’t need a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, neither do I.”

Super Chum laughed. “Wiseass. Think we better get going?”

“Yeah. Guess I can’t really be late to this, huh?”

“Not unless you want to disappoint a whole bunch of people,” said Super Chum.

“Please, I disappoint people no matter what I do,” Fannihilator said, but he didn’t really mean it.

They jetted off together. 

–––––

They arrived at the base of the hill by the nuclear power plant. Yowl and Ant-Lupe were there, but the other people in attendance were out of sight at the top of the hill. 

As soon as he landed, Yowl began fussing with his train. “It’s uneven,” she worried. “I must have made it uneven.” She and her girlfriend were both in matching red-and-purple jewel-toned dresses.

“Too late now,” said Super Chum. Ant-Lupe reached over to tighten his tie. 

“You didn’t make it uneven. If anything’s wrong, it’s because I tripped,” soothed Fannihilator. 

The remark did not soothe her. “You tripped? Did you fuck yourself up?”

“No, thank god.”

She still looked a bit rattled, but she sighed and conceded, “Whatever. Like Super Chum said, too late now.”

“I’ll get the music started,” said Ant-Lupe. She flew up ten feet and signaled at Dollar-nator, who was at the top of the hill, to start playing the piano. Yowl handed Fannihilator his bouquet.

“What would I do without you, Yo?” he reflected. 

“Die, I think,” she said fondly. “I love you, Toby. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you. I love you too,” he replied. She smiled at him, and she and Lupe walked up the hill. 

Super Chum put his hand on Fannihilator’s shoulder. “Don’t I get an “I love you,” too?”

“You already know that, buddy. I’d hug you, but I don’t want to mess up this outfit.”

Super Chum held out an arm, and Fannihilator took it. The wedding march began playing, and Fannihilator exhaled nervously. “I’m ready.”

They walked up the hill towards the two rows of folding chairs. There hadn’t been that many people to invite, but those who were there were enthusiastic. Fankylechum (who quit being a supervillain after graduating from high school) had taken a break from his boring insurance job and flown into town specifically for this event. He was clutching the hand of Marsha, who stared at Fannihilator with begrudging respect. Most of their old school friends had come, surprisingly. Along with them was Mr. Mufflin, who had dragged himself out of his retirement home in Florida for this. Professor Oz sat next to his mother in her wheelchair, with Man-Arctica and Global Warmer next to him. Boog and Lenny sat together– Boog was already dabbing at his eyes with a tissue while Lenny held his hand. Even Teen Spirit looked happy– despite it being a supervillain wedding, she, Sigmund, and Sonic Boom were in the front row. 

Super Chum and Fannihilator walked down the aisle, and Fannihilator felt about a million eyes on him. He felt like running away from all the attention, so he fixed his eyes on the end of the aisle.

There at the end of the aisle was the sapling that they had planted, in place of the old tree. There was Dollar-nator, playing the piano, there were Yowl and Ant-Lupe waiting, there was Necronomicon hovering. Fannihilator’s breath caught.

And there was Kyle, _his_ Kyle, with those cracked dark rifts still scarring his face as a memory of all they had been and all they were working towards. He was in a tailored red suit with his familiar black-and-red collared cape over it. He had a dried out flower in his lapel and oh, he was the most wonderful person Fannihilator would ever see. 

Fannihilator arrived at the altar with his heart full. Kyle took his hands. “You look so handsome,” he whispered.

“You always do,” Fannihilator whispered back.

“Dearly beloved,” began Necronomicon, “we are gathered here today to witness the unholy union of Tobias Cranapple and Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason, under the church of Satan.”

Kyle rolled his eyes at Fannihilator. They both knew that Necronomicon had been ordained online.

“The marriage of two supervillains is a joyous thing for some, and a hellish thing for the rest of the world,” continued Necronomicon. “And yet, the history of this couple is a storied one. From childhood friends to partners to enemies to lovers, Kyle and Tobias have been together through much turmoil. But they have come out of hardship more powerful than ever. Marriage will only serve to strengthen their hellish bond of love.”

Yowl passed him the ring, and Fannihilator took Kyle’s hands. “Kyle, before I met you I was empty. I felt like I was alone every single day– I deluded myself into thinking that I liked being alone. And then you flew onto this hill and disturbed my entire way of being. You made me realize that I was surrounded by people that loved me. Life is meant to be shared, Kyle, and I want to share it with you. Neither of us will ever be alone again.” He slipped the emerald-and-amethyst white gold ring onto Kyle’s finger.

Kyle cleared his throat, took his ring from Ant-Lupe, and started on his own vows, “Toby, I have lost so much in my life. Before I met you, I was slipping. I pushed everyone away because I was scared of my own power. I was trying to cling onto any scrap of humanity I had left. When we became partners, I felt so guilty about my past actions. I thought that if you found out what I had done, I would break and the last of my humanity would slip away.” He took a shaky breath, and continued, “And then you _did_ find out what I had done, and I _did_ break. But here, on this hill, you risked your life to hold me and tell me that you weren’t letting go. That you loved the vilest part of me. And that’s when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.” Kyle slipped the dinosaur bone and meteorite ring onto Fannihilator’s finger.

"You may now exchange capes," said Necronomicon. Fannihilator unclasped his cape, and Kyle did the same. One at a time, they both wrapped their own cape around the other's shoulders. They would both wear each other's cape with their costume from now on, to symbolize their undying partnership.

“Well,” said Necronomicon, “By the power vested in me by our dark lord Satan and cutelittleweddingchapel.com, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom.”

The guests all cheered. Fannihilator surged forward and kissed his husband passionately. Kyle returned the kiss in full force. 

They broke apart. “Our marriage spells doom for all the heroes of the world,” Kyle said, happily breathless.

Fannihlator looked fondly at the crowd of their loved ones, then smiled back at his Conjurer. “And won’t it be an adventure?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the fic!
> 
> Comment and let me know how the epilogue suited you! I'm over on Tumblr @bluemandycat and on Instagram @amandathewerecat (although the Instagram is mostly personal stuff!) if you want to chat! Please read Archvillain, the inspiration, and thanks for sticking with the fic!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Leave a kudo, a comment, or hit me up on tumblr at bluemandycat. All art made of this fic will be lovingly cherished and linked in the intro of this fic.


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